(don't report, I beg you)
It's genuinely so over for me that having my special interest as something no one else in my current life knows (let alone my level of interest) gives me so much physical and mental distress 24/7. Having to keep feeding your relentless running mind a scarce amount of content of interest, where most of it would lead to even more distress is an awful feeling I wouldn't wish upon anyone in their life. Sometimes I wonder if it's just me, if it's entirely my own problem and a little lone case of mine, sometimes I think it's a neurodivergent thing and I would someday find someone who relates, sometimes I would even try to convince myself everyone at some point experienced the same. When all you have to keep you in control of your mind is a little character that not even the creator himself cares much, the slightest pressure would create an unnecessary spiral with no immediate distraction, especially when my mind was never even convenient on ghe first place. It's a terrifying experience for me and the people around me who did not consent to witnessing a mentally ill child who relies on little characters to keep herself put, a mentally ill child who would contemplate her death everytime she stubbed her toe against a seemingly pointless road, a mentally ill child who doesn't even have the self control to stop causing harm upon herself.
