Honestly...going through this account again makes me feel like I'm having a panic attack. Looking through my library or even my notifications make me feel so...temporary. I know that we are temporary, and nothing's permanent, but it's such a stark contrast to what I remember everytime I check it. The amount of authors updating here decreases exponentially everytime I check it, and all of the books that I used to read and wait eagerly for updates on are now discontinued or unfinished. Many of the authors I used to read have abandoned their accounts and moved on, and I'm dreading the day that I receive another farewell announcement from one of my current authors. I can't help but wonder where these people go to, whether they've made it somewhere at all. Some part of my brain can't help but wonder whether they've died, or if they forgot about this place, or if they're somewhat like me, and simply don't want to come back to this place and awake past memories. Even though they've all stopped publishing though...somehow time keeps moving on, and it's never going to stop, not for anyone. Even if they've died, or even if they've just moved on, time is never going to stop. That doesn't change the hard feelings though, because the truth is, these books have gotten me through some hard times, and looking back on them makes my heart hurt. The people who wrote them are no longer with us, whether that's in general or just on this site, and I can't stop a part of me that wishes that we could all live happily ever after, writing and daydreaming like we were once able to. It's useless, because I can't change that. There's nothing I can do but remember what it was like before, but one day, I won't even be able to do that. I'm not sure what I'm doing this for, maybe it's just a remind for myself that nothing is permanent, and everything is constantly changing, but maybe it's also some type of closure; that life keeps moving on, and you just have to, too.
