jasmin - ia

this account was so cringe i am going to sob

BROOOOO I JUST HAD AN AMAZING SAPPHIC FANTASY SLOW BURN STORY IDEA AND I’VE THOUGHT OF THE TWO MAIN CHARACTER’S NAMES (CAMILLE AND LUCINDA) AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO START IT AGHHHHHHHHHHH

Alright, I need to address this. I don't care if anybody sees this or not, it's just a way for me to vent and it's slightly healthier than talking to myself about my problems at like 2am. I am.. really struggling with life right now. Everytime I make a decision about anything, I have voices in my head saying things like, "You're a selfish bitch nobody is going to like you if you do that" and "And you make the wrong decision again? Worthless". 
          
          This has been going for two months now. And I only just realised how serious it really was when I was on the train coming home from school. The train doors opened when they weren't supposed to and I got up and ran to the door. I was only stopped by my friends. And as my dad was driving us home from the train station the voices kept repeating, "You should've pushed through and jumped you worthless fucker. Then everyone would be happy". 
          
          And also the mental breakdowns. Every single fucking time I step into my room after a day from school I curl up on the floor and start scream crying. This has been going on for a month. This is mostly due to the voices, my anxiety and the stress from school. And it happens when I take a shower too.
          
          I also had a mental breakdown in the middle of Science class. We had a casual and I couldn't handle the voices saying crude things everytime the teacher deadnamed me, I just started shaking uncontrollably. It ended with me getting sent to the guidance couselor because the teacher thought I needed to talk to someone. 
          
          And I know I need to talk to someone. But it absolutely terrifies me at the thought of them judging me. And them helping me just out of pity. It's like being a little peanut getting crushed out of it's shell. 
          
          And I want to talk to my parents about but they will just think that it's a phase from the 'damn sad shit you always listen to in your room'. It's like being stuck in a void where I have nobody to talk to. Nobody who will understand me for me. Just nobody. I fucking hate it..

Random question, should I make my profile alt or keep it soft??

HELP HELP HELP I'M HYPERVENTILATING-
          
          UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ATSUMU MIYA 
          
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-2LUo422bY

So I've decided to make Minori my online name so please refer to me as Minori from now on <3

Ok hi everyone, it’s Xie. I officially am a xenogender, panromantic, asexual and polyamorous person who goes by xe/xem/xyr and ey/em/eir.
          Thank you for understanding. I’m also thinking about changing what I want to be called online. My do identify as ‘Xie’ irl but I think I wanna experiment with gender fluid names online. 
          Love ya! <3

I am currently wondering if I’m non-binary or still a trans man because surprisingly I only just discovered what non-binary was a few weeks ago and I didn’t think much of it until now because I kinda feel like I’m both a guy and a girl and neither but I prefer to look masculine? This is so confusing ;-;

Hello! I'm back!
          
          I'm currently going through a gender crisis once again but that won't stop me from talking to you guys!
          
          Love, Xie <3

I'm going to be taking a break from Wattpad for personal reasons
          
          I'll just tell you guys that Jack, Kean and I are no longer dating.