Dead meat

Bro this is so emo ^ you’d cringe and laugh at this. I am too. I just miss you tonight and remembered to post on this account haha 

Whatever happened between us is all put aside. I always had love for you and always care for you even if we fought that one time. Even if we didn’t talk and end in good terms. You will always be a brother figure to me. A best friend I wish I still had next to me. 
            You’d be so proud of me today. Even if I’m not doing well, I’m still waking up everyday and getting out of bed. 
            I miss your voice I miss your laugh especially when we laughed at stupid things over the phone or made stupid jokes. You are the brother my parents never had and you showed me what a big brother would have been like in my life. I’m glad to even met you years ago to feel what I feel now. Even if it’s sad and missing you. I rather miss you than to never have met you.

Being forced to move on from someone you care about and forced to deal with the death of someone is a whole other level of pain.
            I always hope and wish you forgive me.
            I forgave you long ago. I hope you did too Jackson. 

Love you. 

Almost my birthday. Hope to see you soon. 
            I miss you.
            How is it? 

Hey just thinking of you rn and I miss you heaps. I wish you could come back and reunite but that’s impossible. Almost like missing an old friend and waiting for them to come have. But I’ll wait forever for you. 
            I miss you. I hope you are doing well and all. Maybe you are at peace and better than you were here on earth.
            I miss you and no amount of tears can bring you back but I wish you were still here 

I wish I took your place Jackson. 

Nothing compares to you. 

The most real and truest friend ever. I miss you.

James and I dated remember? We didn’t last after your passing but even then I still wish he was here. At least the old friend group would be close. 
            Missing everything rn. You James and our memories 

James isn’t here after you left. I miss him too. Both of you were my world. 

I’m trying my best I know you’d want me to be alive and do better but some days it’s so hard. 
            I tried being 4 years clean from self harm now I’m only like 4 months. Been drinking so much and smoking. 
            But I know you’d be proud of me. I’m trying I swear. But I miss you so much I don’t see the point. 

Should have been my own life instead of yours Jackson. Crying over you still almost 6 ish years later yeah?

This is torture. 

My best friend forever. Always in my heart. 

I hate coming on here it’s stupid like you’ll never come back others won’t. I don’t get why I stay but I find myself looking at our conversations. It’s like I had a big brother. I really miss my big brother. 

I love you Jackson I swear I do I promise you. No other friends compare to you. The best I’ve ever had.
            Jackson I miss you.
            I have no one else to share the memories with. James left. I don’t know where he went after you left. 
            

Gosh it feels like I’ve failed you. I miss you so much everyday. You’ll never see this. 
            I can’t stop crying.