I hate how when I used to read about the arguments between brothers, where one would insult the other and the other would take it badly, and I thought he was just behaving in a childish way, then when it happened to me now, WITH MY COUSIN WITH WHOM I SHARED EVERYTHING, AND EVERYTHING SERIOUSLY, WHO CALLS ME A SLUT, I can't take it. One day he told me he'll never leave me, and today in my most difficult moments he simply ignored me, my whole body hurts thinking about it. These days nothing is going well, and I just want to push myself, but not to whom. Right now I should be strong, but my mind automatically tells me to let everyone in as much as you can, then there has to be one that's right. A scar on a broken heart won't be anything if in the end they leave me too. Then I realize that no one is here for me when I've always tried to be there for them. Not even my real friends who make fun of me just because I'm Indian. Most of the time I think they're joking, but then it gets too much, uggh....