Dhruv Mishra

I opened up to a new friend today, and... Why does everyone fucking cry when they listen to my story???? ToT
          
          Is it that fucking tragic? *Insert skull emoji, cuz Wattpad*

In the most recent episode of hating myself, I spent an hour just sitting in front of a mirror and mocking and laughing at my appearance. 
          
          

No chapters this week
          
          For... Obvious reasons, I believe

Ranting, cuz I need to let it out
          
          I feel utterly ashamed and disappointed in myself.
          
          Everyone is telling me that they're proud of me for not going through with it, but I feel no pride at all.
          
          Like, I promised them, and myself as well, that I would never try to kms again, I made that promise multiple times in the last few years, and I've broken it every single time.
          
          I feel like something is seriously wrong with me, like, why can't I just keep going? Am I really that weak minded and willed?
          
          There are some people who think THEY are the ones at fault here, that they didn't do enough, and it just makes me feel even worse that because I almost went ahead with killing myself, they're feeling down. 
          
          People say that the fact that I've held on up till now is something that I should be proud of with the hand I'm being dealt, but does it all even matter if I end up just giving up every time?
          
          Sure, I stay admirably strong and whatnot, but it all goes to waste the moment I take the knife in my hand and try to do it.
          
          Am I actually that pathetic and weak? 

T/W: Mentions of depression and suicide.
          
          Hi. 
          
          My name is Dhruv, I'm a 20 year old guy, and if you didn't know, I have been dealing with severe depression for years, and was suicidal for the last few days.
          
          Yepp.
          
          I was about to end it all. I was about to say sayonara for the last time.
          
          It was the result of everything piling on top of one another over and over again, to the point where I was having a whole ass existential crisis, and wondering if I'm even worth a penny for anyone. 
          
          Sure, many people said that I was the reason they were living today, or they would have off'd themselves a long time ago. 
          
          But... I didn't exactly feel like *I* was needed, like, not the person that I am, but the person I become when it comes to those who I care for. 
          
          I had decided that I would end it all (for the fourth time in these 20 years, mind you) and... I just felt right to at least tell the people who have been there for me at such times that I really appreciate them and their efforts. 
          
          So... Today was the day. 
          
          I was sitting in my room, knife in my hand and this time, no note, cuz idgaf anymore about anything tbh. 
          
          I was about to cut my throat, but then, I started to have an internal conflict. 
          
          "Wtf am I even doing?"
          
          "This is the best for everyone, AND me."
          
          "Have you even thought about this?"
          
          "There's no need to think. Just do it."
          
          Such were the thoughts that spiraled in my head the whole time I was on the cold floor.
          
          **I'll be continuing the story in the comments, cuz fuckin Wattpad**

Happy Thanksgiving 

Well...
          
          All I can say at this point, is that sometimes, my genius...
          
          It's almost frightening.
          
          CPoC season 1 will end this Wednesday, and along with the last chapter, the trailer for Season 2 is gonna be dropping.
          
          I... I'm speechless, bruh

I...
          
          I'm still at a complete loss of words.
          
          It's been a good while since I finished season 2 of Arcane, and... I don't even know what the fuck I'm supposed to feel, like...
          
          Huh...?
          
          And then, to think that I gotta write something up that correlates with THIS???
          
          How in the blue hell am I supposed to do that?!!!
          
          Even while writing this message, every now and then, I'm spacing out and just... Staring into the distance for who knows how long. 
          
          I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with CPoC anymore. 
          
          But I'll still try my best to write something. 
          
          Now obviously, I'm not gonna be able to come close to whatever has happened in s2, but I'll try. 
          
          What the actual fuck man...?
          
          What the actual fuck...?

I love your "The Clown Prince of Crime" Arcane Book, and its inspired me to make my own Arcane book but am still deciding which would be more better suited for my oc, the joker or Two Face or Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde but i just wanted to come by and say i love your stories and am inspired by them, so thank you for making this story.

Hey everyone
          
          So... Before anything, I wanna apologize for yesterday
          
          I went ahead and did all that out of the blue, and sorry if I was in any way or manner, rude to any of you. 
          
          I read what you all said, and I ended up fucking crying (again), so... That's something, I guess. 
          
          But... About what happened, it was just weeks on weeks of demotivation, my own insecurities and self-worth piling up on top of each other and it just got too much for me to handle, and I HAD to let it out. 
          
          But right after replying to some of you guys, it hit me that even though you don't know me in person, you guys have in one way or another, helped me more than anyone else on multiple occasions. 
          
          So... After crying myself to sleep for what felt like the billionth time, I actually somewhat feel better today. 
          
          If required, I'll take a little break, as many of you said. 
          
          But I don't want to, cuz you guys are basically the only ppl I can fuck around with like I do.
          
          I already have, like what? 
          
          4-5 drafts ready for each book, so guess I'll take some time off of writing, and keep publishing each Wednesday cuz I don't wanna be inconsistent about it.  
          
          Once again, sorry and thank you so much. 
          
          I love you all, guys and girls both (though I doubt there's many girls here).
          
          Y'all are awesome. 
          
          Peace.