Today I wanna talk about something very important. Please do not ignore these kind of problems, a lot of people are struggling with!
@ more than one point in my life I thought about stopping and giving up. I was very close to death at these moments. Not just real death but also the one, one can feel inside. I was in a very dark place and can still feel the pull from time to time. But the important thing is: I did NOT give in. Not back than, not now. Hurting myself made it easier to cope with things sometimes, but it is not a solution. I wanna do it, but everyday I fight and in the end I did NOT do it. When the sun goes down I am still standing, without cutting myself another 24 hours. It has been months now and years since I really thought about killing myself and quitting on life forever.
Being sick is not the only reason for these thoughts and wishes. It is only a part of the problem. Bullying is the other one. In school, work, just life itself, it kept on happening. In the end it made me stronger but I really wish I did not have to go through it to come out at the other end being who I am today. I paid a lot for those lessons but I did learn something.
Sometimes you just have to keep SMILING, knowing that you will be OKAY. Knowing that you can still find new FRIENDS, that not all is lost. Knowing that a diagnosis is NOT who you are. YOU ARE YOU. All the goodness and the ugliness. No one is perfect and no one is just bad.
So here I am. Still standing. Still breathing. Still smiling. Still ... ME.
Please do not give up on yourself! You are worth it. You are not your diagnosis. You are not what people see in you. It is perfectly fine to struggle. I think it is human. But only by living in the present you can get better and grow. And as a friend of mine said: do not give your life more days. Give your days more life!