When people think of torture, the first things that come to mind and usually physical. People think of drowning, threatening constantly with weapons or almost-but-not-quite-fatal cuts and wounds to drive an individual to their breaking point. They think of a tiny drop of water constantly tap-tap-tapping on a victim's forehead every so often, leaving them no choice to ignore it and no hope that it'll ever stop. But the more obscure versions of torture, and perhaps the most dreadful, are those that go on inside some people's heads. Sometimes they're not even directly inflicted by others, as most mainstream ideas of torture usually are. Constant thoughts and fears of worthlessness. Wanting one thing but when you get it feeling worse than when you did whilst wishing for what you're stuck with now. Being under pressure that's put on you so subtly that no one except you could ever notice how their obscure words shatter your conscience. Constantly reliving memories of regretful words or actions, your own mind attacking itself with ongoing embarrassment and wishing you could just turn the reliving of memories off with a switch, but it never can nor will be that way.
Before you ask if I'm alright - please don't worry, I'm genuinely okay :) A little battle-worn and plagued by an assortment of mental illnesses, but I'm quite alright. I just often feel stuck, and a coping mechanism of mine is to put my feelings to text (and often overdramatacising them in the process) since it helps me come to terms with, accept, and better understand my emotions + recognize what steps will be best for me personally while navigating this particular episode. I genuinely appreciate any concern and love y'all that keep an eye on me dearly <33
