No one is obligated to write a certain character or create certain representation for anyone.
VENT WARNING
I'm Asian and as proud as I am to be an Asian, there are so few if us in certain fanfic communities. Almost every single character I read about is either a white girl with blonde hair, or a white girl with brown hair. Very rarely a Latina which is great (almost always played by the same girl but hey, it's some representation). However, I haven't seen one Asian female (or fem enby) and it's triggering internalized r4cism. I've read 2 phenomenal fanfics on Carl Grimes (yea I'm one of those) and 1 on 2 other characters. One was an x reader so that works well but the other 3 were white girls. Now this is NOT AN ISSUE. I very much enjoyed these fanfics and adore them as they are. But I find myself doing what I used to do. Trying to change myself to be desirable for the character or celebrity I like. Whether that means becoming the canon love interest of that character or becoming like the live interest in a fanfic of them (both of which are often white). What I mean is wishing I looked like the love interest, changing my hair, my values, my beliefs, my spiritual views (although this one not as much), my clothes, how I talk, how I behave, and even trying to appear more white and distancing myself from being Asian. It's not even like I'm someone who dates or does romance, atp in life, I don't like participating in romance at all yet I still feel the violent need to change who I am entirely. I've never been stable in who I am or even know who I am but I figured I'd gotten better enough in my aroace spec identity to not be swayed by fake people, ig not .
TLDR; I have no clue who I am or how to find myself, I have internalized r4cism that I'm not yet over, diversity and representation is hard to find in fanfics, and I still feel that the only way I can be desirable is to be white and exactly like the live interest/ideal type of my favourite characters/people.
Sorry lol
