♡

Where’s Christmas hat Veronica?? Hm?? It’s been six days

Hey, so, when is the Christmas pfp coming back..? /j

My cousins and I talking at the beginning of our drive home: Silly stuff. Family gossip. Plans for our next party. How terrible we are at driving.
          
          My cousins and I talking at the end of our drive home: "So yeah, I do hold a grudge against my dad for not dying instead of my mom and I'm mad he gets to move on even though I feel like he needs to be sad for a long time before he deserves to be happy again" 
          
          Our Uber driver: O.o

Erika Kirk's speech is giving Serena Waterford 

Ugh, I hate my aunt so much sometimes. She's the only person who gets me pissed off enough to say shit like "at least she's licking pussy in Paris. Better than you who were sucking dicks in the back of a bus." 
          
          I could never imagine saying things like that to any of my other aunts but this one...yeah, she deserves it.

I don't get why people from outside of Rio act so shocked when I tell them I've never stayed at Copacabana Palace. 
          
          Why the heck am I gonna pay 20k to stay in a hotel in a city I already live in?? Isn't that what houses are for??

Isn't it fun when you go to therapy to fix one specific issue and then you end up discovering there sooo much more stuff wrong with you?  

Weird stuff my family said out of context:
          
          *my 13 year old cousin* "Did you guys see what the president-"
          *all of us older cousins, at the same time* "NO!!!"
          *cut to 10 minutes later with half the family arguing about politics*
          "See what you did?"
          
          "I think I'm gonna give you some trouble because I'm terrified of planes and the flight is 19 hours long."
          "I will drug you." 
          
          "There's only room for one moody teenager in this family, and I'm very proudly occupying it."
          
          "That middle finger was for me. I'm sure of it."
          "Not everything is about you. Shocking, I know."
          
          "Bring me something cool from France."
          "I'll bring you a rat."
          
          "I'd rather go by bus."
          "To Canada?"
          
          "Where's the cat?"
          "Probably running from you"
          
          "I'm not scared of elevators because I think they'll fall. I'm scared of being trapped in them, and then a fire happens, and I burn alive inside a metal box."
          "...I think I'm scared of elevators now, too."
          
          "I'm in a very monocromatic vibe right now. Most of my clothes are brown so that they can match my color palette."
          "Will your next boyfriend be black so he can match your color palette, too?"
          
          "You can ask mom."
          "Mom is bipolar."
          
          "This cat smells like boogers."
          
          "They think they're bossy. They're not, they're just annoying."
          
          "No, we can't tell her about the party."
          "Why not?"
          "That kind of takes the fun out of a surprise party, don't you think?"
          
          "Did you call him?"
          "Yes"
          "For the last time, I was joking! He doesn't think you have a weirdly shaped head."
          
          "She said she's not going without him."
          "Why not? It's not like he pays or anything."
          
          "Who else are you kicking out of this party?"
          "I don't know. Do you wanna be next?"

Weird stuff my family said out of context: 
          
          "And then I told-"
          "Don't say her name!" 
          "Fine. And then I told Beetlejuice..." 
          
          "I think sometimes it's best if people mind their own business" 
          
          "You're not holding the capybara. It is not your turn to speak! Only the capybara holders can speak." 
          
          "You're wrong. The worst month isn't July, it's August. My husband was robbed three times and all of them happened in August." 
          "I was born in August." 
          "Another example." 
          
          "Why are you wishing him a Happy Father's Day?"
          "He's a cat dad."
          
          "Why is the kitchen slippery?"
          "I dropped a whole bottle of sauce earlier." 
          
          "She's crapping her pants."
          "She's always crapping her pants" 
          
          "Every day is a new humiliation" 
          
          "I felt like a billionaire having dinner next to a homeless person" 
          
          "Why were you sending me Lion King videos at 2 am? 
          
          "My dad keeps thinking that now that my mom is dead we're gonna kick him out of the family" 
          
          "The Coca-Cola bottle fell on my face and broke my glasses" 
          
          "Who's the owner?"
          "The cat. The cat is the owner" 
          
          "It's not my fault you've been eating chicken for three days" 
          
          "This is Big Whore, Fat Cat, Atchoo, and Old Face" 
          "Such lovely names" 

I sneezed during Beetlejuice today and Mr. Juice himself said "bless you" to me on the stage.