♡

This will probably make me sound like an ass but it kinda pisses me off when people in my family act all panic-y because of something that didn't even happen to them. 
          
          Like, why are YOU having anxiety attacks, Aunt Stella? I was the one who got kidnapped. Just suck it up and go to the grocery store like you planned to. Jeez.

A couple of months ago, I dumped a guy cause he was stingy af. I told my friend that while we were on a date I wanted to go to a specific restaurant but he said it was too expensive and we should go to this other place because it was cheaper than McDonald's and in the end he didn't even pay for mine! Now, every time we pass by a McDonald's, my friend feels the need to remind me of that ☠️

No one will ever have a last name as cool as Rebecca Gayheart

Why did my 12 year old cousin ask ME of all people if when a man gets his vasectomy reversed, it means they put his thing back where it was? ☠️

YOU WATCHED DEATH BECOMES HER
          
          I FUCKING LOVE YOU
          
          
          PLEASE ADOPT ME
          
          
          I CAN MAKE YOU HOT CHOCOLATE REALLY WELL

While doing some deep family search to try to get our European citizenship, my cousins and I found out our grandma used to be rich until her family disowned her for marrying my grandpa because he was poor. Now tell me that doesn't sound like some telenovela shit.
          
          Bonus: weird shit my family said but this time with context 
          
          "She had horses and everything" 
          "That's not really something to envy. The horse kicked her, and she lost half her lung" 
          "Yeah but at least she had a horse" 
          
          "They had huge farms, with cattle and everything. Where's my cattle? I deserved at least a couple of cows!" 
          
          "Why does he have my birth certificate? And why did he post it online?" 
          "If he doesn't give us the documents, you can sue him!" 
          
          "I want a farm too!"
          "Are you gonna do any farming?" 
          "No, but at least I can say I have one" 
          
          "You knew all along? Then why didn't you suck up to them? You could have gotten at least a diamond necklace out of it." 
          
          "He looks like grandma with a mustache," 
          
          "And they had green eyes too? Man, we really got screwed over in life, didn't we?" 
          
          "The only thing this part of the family inherits is alzheimers" 
          
          "Aw, grandma named her daughter after her." 
          "Suck up" 

I've been slipping back into my Heathers era

Forgot to announce this earlier: 
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/380229760

I spent all of college saying I couldn't wait to graduate and stop studying, then not even a month after graduation, I'm already looking for postgraduate schools.
          
          What happened to taking a sabbatical, you anxious little shit?!? 

I'm throwing a party at my cousin's house cause mine is under renovation and my uncle (my cousin's dad) wants to invite his mom but my cousin doesn't want him to cause she doesn't like her grandma (for good reasons, that old hag is annoying af). 
          
          So she asked ME to tell him not to invite his mom. But if I do that, I'm pretty sure my uncle is gonna be upset at me. But if I don't, then my cousin is gonna be the one upset at me.
          
          I don't know what to do!!!