this message may be offensive
... Shit, I've got a lot to say rn, so let's get this shit over with, yeah?
First off, I've been (thankfully) great at hiding how I feel. About my declining mental state, about my feelings and thoughts, about how I'm just going insane. But I can't fucking do that anymore.
For fucks sake, I'm tired. Every part of my body hurts, every bit of my brain just wants to shut off and die alone in a pit at the bottom of the world, because at least THEN I'll have some quiet . I have severe ADHD, meaning focus is a no-go for me, my sleep schedule is absolute ass, and even when I do sleep, it's hardly ever restful. Fuck, even my PARENTS have noticed something wrong with me, and now THEIR legitimately concerned about my mental health. How in the fuck am I supposed to tell them that I'm dying? My body is rotting from the inside out, and I can't fucking stop it. I'm not diseased or actually dying, but every day I wake up, I don't thank God for a chance at life. I think "wow, guess he still hasn't decided to take me." I can't fucking keep up this front anymore. I'm depressed, sleep deprived, and just fucking done with life. I'm 16, man. I'm fucking 16, and this is the shit I'm going through? I worry. I'm an empath, I can tune in on other people's emotions. But it's so fucking exhausting. Having to be the therapist of my friend group, having to try and make sure my friends don't kill themselves at 3 in the morning, having my brain say "Hey, we're gonna try and comfort random ass people on the internet, because that's our job!" It's not my fucking job. So why in God's name do I think it is. I know NONE of you all IRL. I can't control anything you do, comfort you with a hug. All I can do is sit behind a screen, trying my best to be a good person, when in reality, I'm about as fucked up as life can get.