I have two things to say. First, I haven't been as active as I've wanted to be and I'm sorry for that. I know I have books on here to write. I know I adopted a story and I haven't even posted it, but I have plans to write it. Second, this next part is going to sound like I'm an attention seeker, but I have to get this off my chest, and I know wattpad is the one place that I can trust. So, if you want to ignore this part, that's fine. I won't judge. I just need to vent slightly.
Everyone has been told from a young age to "be yourself because there's only one you and you're beautiful". I was the same way, except I was yelled at for being myself. Funny, huh? The most important people in my life(family, friends, and classmates alike) told me to be myself and when I am myself, they tell me to stop being myself. "You need to stop liking that because no one cares." You know what, I do. "Don't talk about that. It's stupid." etc, etc
You know what I find stupid? That last paragraph. If I can't be myself, then who am I? Am I you? No, you're you. Am I your friend? Certainly not if you are someone I mentioned above. Who am I then? The world doe not have an answer for that question and probably won't have one anytime soon. Especially if people keep chipping away at my uniqueness little by little, piece by piece.
I don't believe in myself because everyone is always complaining about who I am, and that's why I hate being around people. I'm always angry because I ALWAYS have to be the bigger person and bottle my emotions up to apologize. I don't trust because everyone I have ever trusted with my heart, trust, and faith, broke all of it and me. I have to lie about myself so I don't disappoint anyone.
That is why I write. To find an escape, to find happiness. Writing is the one thing in my life not trying to "fix" me. Writing allows me to leave my crappy life and get all my bottled up emotions out. Nothing can and ever will replace writing. This, this is why I write.
Thank you