@killerzz_gryphon
I just did. I like the idea very much, and you have interesting characters. I would however, like to share a few thoughts.
Your chapters could be longer. Each one is only a couple of paragraphs, and that leaves me slightly unsatisfied.
You could also try and describe Jacob and Vivian more. The reader hardly knows how they look. The readers would be able to relate with them better too. Trust me on this, my story has the exact same problem. None of my characters have been physically described properly, and I need to work on that too.
Maybe you could drop a few hints that the world that Jacob lives in is actually the parallel universe. When I read the story, there was no indication that he was in the parallel world until Vivian came in.
Please don't take this in the wrong way! Your story has a lot of potential, I'd love to see it get to the top.
Also, if you don't mind, could you also read my story? I'd love some advice from a readers perspective.
