Void

Crying to Taylor Swift, mad at Jake Gynecologist & John Mayo, screaming lyrics while imagining beating my ex for the disgusting things he did to me. So essentially crying, screaming, throwing up. 

Oh my gods, I forgot this existed- Uhh. Well, I've been feeling significantly better since the night before Halloween. Suspiciously so. I'm broke right now but I'm starting a second job very soon. I've been feeling creative, so some chapters might be dropping, but no promises. If this positive stuff lasts, I'm going to be working on some projects. I highly doubt it'll last because I've been here before, but while it's here you bet I'm cashing in on that energy. 

I know Lucifer just got a new season, but why is everyone reading my Michael fic now? It's so bad and I ended up hating him last season. 	o(>< )o
          
          Sidenote: I can't use emojis on here, and kaomoji is threatening to immerse me in my weeaboo phase again. I wouldn't mind usually, but anime fandoms are extremely toxic and I don't want to be the 'uwu aren't I kawaii?' pick me again-

When you're high and want OUAT Jefferson hanahaki disease fics, but no one's written any. 
          
          "I have to do everything myself." 
          
          -_- *eye roll* ^-^ *hanahaki's your mad hatter* 
          
          Ignore me. I smoked too much. No one wants my hanahaki shit anyways. 
          
          
          .....unless-? 

I crave violence and chaos. I have also been slowly getting more motivation to write. This is a dangerous combination. 

Me: I'm too busy and cloudy-minded to write right now. 
          Also Me: Time to make a guide to my specific omegaverse and why it can be beneficial to your mental health to pretend you're from it in private.

You guys probably won't be getting those updates for awhile. I have to figure out how to get a place on my own. My roommate doesn't want to live with me anymore and I have no other friends, and I am NOT living in the same house as my dad again. 
          
          So updates will probably be very sparse to none until new years. 

I've been struggling with a lot lately, but honestly the two worst ones are 1) No matter what they say, I've lost my best friend. That is not the same person anymore, and they don't care in the same way anymore. 2) I'm pretty sure I need to see my doctor or the ER about my persistent symptoms, but I can't afford to. We're already late on rent & I haven't found a higher paying job yet. 
          
          Sometimes ending it all seems like the best option, but I know it's not. It's not going to give me a redo on life. At best, I live in the void for a bit & then get randomly reincarnated & have to go through the same bullshit, if not worse. 
          
          I just wish I had the life everyone else seems to have. Getting a new job is a start, but they have to call me back first. 

If you saw this account during my 'aged-up' Starker phase... No you didn't. 
          
          Projecting trauma is all fun and games until you realize that's what you were doing, and that's why the ship made you very uncomfy very fast.

8,000 reads????? How???????
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          i already know lol. it's cause you're an amazing author ^°^