Message to anyone out there
*currently suffering from an intense mental breakdown* I would like to continue writing for everyone, believe me I really do, but at this moment in my life, I'm not entirely sure anymore.
There's a chance I may no longer stay at my college if I don't bring up two grades (my art classes, which makes me very anxious thinking about how can I improve with midterms coming soon) and how can I afford next semester if I end up losing one of my scholarships helping me with payments. It's been my main concern this whole time and it has only amplified earlier this week.
I don't have any other plans about what I want to do with my life if I can't continue my college education and it scares me to know that in all reality, I will have to start looking at jobs that I may not like, but it will help me to survive for the years to come. To my younger audience out there, enjoy the time you have because adult life isn't it and I finally realize that now.
I know it's not the end of the world and college isn't always needed to lead a good life, but the burden of being the 'first in a generation to have this opportunity...only for her to flunk her first year' is what's making me feel very depressed and I don't have the heart to focus on anything else but trying to stay and actually do something with my life. In all honesty, life hasn't been going well for the past few months, I'm admitting it right now. I need help, like actual help, mental and supportive help and I will get it when there's a chance to get a break from all the chaos I'm surrounded by 24/7.
I just needed to rant, folks, but that's essentially my existential crisis at the moment and I thank you all for your patience. <3