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Guess its back to venting here. To start things off i found out my dad died last new years and since then everything is worse now. I started 10th grade and i had friends who then started acting weird and ignore me now for wtv reason. The only friends i have rn are couple so im 3rd wheeling everyday. Im failing literally all of my classes. Im moving to a new school next year. I had a teacher i was really close and was basically a new father figure to me but i lost them. I started smoking etc everyday til i eventually od'd. My bsf who ive known since kindergarden is becoming more dry to me. And I found out my comfort streamer for the last 4 years turned out to be an abuser. I feel so out of place and i dont know what im doing anymore. I want my dad back.

js logged in after over a year.. anyone still around?

Yesterday was my birthday and it was probably one of the worst ones I have ever had. My brother got me sick on my birthday all bc he decided to go over to his friends house WHILE HE WAS STILL GETTING OVER A SICKNESS and bc of that, he brought something back and got most of my family sick yesterday. Plus some of my friends forgot my birthday even tho I try so hard to make sure that when it's their birthday, they feel cared for bc someone remembered. I'm literally so done with everything. 

I know i havent said stuff in a long time but. Life sucks, people told me that high school was "the best years of your life". Man they were so wrong. I have relapsed so many times in different areas and everything hurts. I opened up to my mom about  my problems and I really regret it. I can't help but feel uncomfortable when certain topics are brought up.  
          School is so difficult, I'm failing all of my classes and its only the 4th month- no school I was in prepared me for this and i'm still not ready. My friend is fucking moving to Texas and i'm getting flashbacks to when my bsf in elementary moved and we never spoke again. There's no way I could really explain how I feel other than I just feel worse then ever. I think the only somewhat positive thing in my life right now is that I started soccer again but even then some games and stuff give me really bad anxiety. At least I have a good coach and he's nice and understands me. If I more stuff to complain about I'll probably post it here as I did before. 

Okay, this is very hard for me to say. About 50 minutes ago Technoblade (a content creator), a new video was uploaded on his channel and I thought 'oh maybe he's gonna give us a new update on how he's doing'. But that obviously did not happen. His dad was the one who started the video and as soon as I heard him I was like oh no.  
          
          He passed away from stage 4 cancer. I am completely broken because I have watched his videos for so long and he meant so much to me. And the whole time I was watching the video, in my head I was just hoping that it was a joke and that he'll be at the end of the video saying like "haha got you losers" or something. 
          
          Technoblade completely changed my life for the better. He impacted millions of people throughout his life. He will be missed so much, I hope he is at peace.
          
          I don't feel like I have a right to be sad tho because I never knew him personally. And I don't really have anyone to talk to about this because my family doesn't care. My grandma literally said "She's not even gonna cry like that when I die". She said that while she could here me crying in my fucking bed. I can't even grief without someone talking shit in front of me.
          
          Anyway sorry to those who don't care

GUYS I AM GOING TO VIDOCN ON THE 25THI REPEAT I AM GOING TO VIDOCN

Just bawled my eyes out bc it just hit me that I graduated. Meaning that the  teachers that meant so much to me, I'll never be able to see them again. 1) bc one of them is gonna work at a different school. 2) I don't really have any other way to contact them (and im too scared) But on my graduation day which was the 16th, like after it was over, I was searching for 4 of my teachers bc I had written them letters. And the last classroom I looked in, 2 of them were in there including my advisory teacher who had left for the 2nd semester so I got really scares lmao. But my history teacher gave me her number and said "if you ever need me, please text me" and then my advisor said that it was very special that she gave me it bc she never had given her number to any of her students and that I was the first. So yeah, I'm gonna miss then alot because my history teacher was like a mom to me and my coach (who was subbing for science) was like a dad to me. I had really bad teacher attachments to them. And now I'll probably never see them again. 

Just graduated 8th gradeee

Man I just started crying bc my drunk grandpa told me to have sweet dreams bc I deserve it, and to never give up. I'm a mess 

Cannot believe the world we live in today. 19 CHILDREN who were no more then 11 years old are dead aswell as 2 adults just because some fuck didn't graduate? But yes America, ban books instead.