Yep, still alive. Although I am so close to giving up and doing it. Every morning I woke up, I wished I did not. I spend my days worrying about my problems rather than enjoying life. I know life has ups and downs but mine has been on the downs for years. This is why I have been thinking of ending it. Ending it would make life better for everyone else around me. I keep on failing, my body won't move, I don't want to live anymore. Unfortunately I am a coward. K*ll*ng oneself requires courage. Living through this life requires courage and so is dying. Courage to face pain, courage to let go, and courage to face what lies beyond death (if there is). I am fine to let go. I don't care what is beyond death. However I don't have the courage to face pain and also to see the pain my cats would go through when I leave them. I honestly don't care what my family or friends would feel about my death. They'll move on after a month. Although I am still wishing my death would be less or not painful and peaceful. Simply I want to die in my sleep. The only things keeping me alive aside from eating (obviously) are my cats and my art. I love both. I love to paint and I love my cats dearly. I am willing to let them go though... to be at peace. To never live another day again.
