I was entertained at the first chapter. i got intrigued with the girl. it was really dark and gore. you've got a good imagination of writing details, keep it up. I'm not a good writer but I think your sentences are mouthful. I suggest you shorten it and write it directly to the point. cause if the sentences are long, it loses the readers interest. don't forget the spaces of each word, it confuses the readers. thoughout the entire scene was entertaining.