Elliot

I fucking hate you. And won’t stop. Cause one fucking day you’ll come back. It’s been four years isn’t life a fucking cunt. 
          
          Ily 
          
          Stupid bitch. 

Fuck. 

Three years ago you made this account and you aren’t even here. 
          Tsk tsk. Miss you Eli

Valentine's Day of 2017 marked the three year anniversary of you leaving.
          I'm a pathetic person honestly, because if you ever came back I'd forgive you.
          I'd forgive you for the three years in the dark.
          I sound so dramatic, and maybe I am.
          I can't say enough on how much I will, have, and always love you. 
          I miss your ugly crocs, I bought a pair myself recently and honestly, I don't blame you for ever wearing them.
          I remember you on your birthday still, and after everything I'm shocked I still know your birthday.
          you're 22 now, yeah? Probably a fine young man, or a piece of shit like we thought you'd be. Regardless, I'm still proud of you. 
          You'll never read this, because you're probably far from here, but writing out loud, makes it more concrete in my head. And i suppose writing it out gives me the closure I believe I need. 
          Or, deserve.
          I miss you Elliot Leedly, I miss your stupid roomate Wesley, and I miss you. Imiss your crocs, and bathroom selfies. I miss your lanky arms and you're uncomfortably long legs. 
          If you ever read this, don't message me back. Don't talk to me again, really. Because what we had was great, but what we don't have now, is even better. 
          I love you Eli. I love you so much.
          xoxo
          Elli

I love you.

Not okay. Never okay. Will never again be okay thanks to fucking you 

I miss you. A lot more. More than usual. I wish at least Wes would tell me why you're gone. 

I miss you so much. When I really feel like crying I like to sit around and think of how perfect we used to be. And how you'll never be back. How I probably fucked up and how we're never going to be together again. 
          It was supposed to be you. I was supposed to be with you. And now I don't even know where you went. I don't know what I did. Or what happened, I just know you're probably in a really bad place. 
          I love you. So much. You will always be my favorite. I love you to the moon and back. I love you. Forever and always. Whenever you come back I know I'll leave whoever I'm with to be with you. 
          I just love you. 
          Stay safe, and if you're gone, watch over me, will ya? This shit sucks. 

I love you. 

A year, five months and four days. Crazy. Absolutely crazy.