Brilliant story love every part of it so far keep up the awesome writing! Maybe try to develop a character a little bit more or do the character details
eg: Her beach blonde hair was glimmering in the sunlight as it hit it at the right angle. As she moved all around in the warm, summer sunlight her smile began to grow and the sadness that was once there was gone. Her baby blue eyes, bluer than the see could ever be, purer than the Earth's water. She was like an angel that had fell from the skys