hello my loves,
(trigger warning)
feeling a bit down in the dumps atm mentally and physically. It feels surreal to me to have to even say this. But i struggled a lot with anxiety and depression for a good 5 years. about 6 months ago i was hospitalised for an overdose with the intention of ending my life. i can say now with my whole heart im glad to be alive but i just get times where it’s hard i guess. I hate to talk about it so i won’t go into anymore details about that part of it. anyway, my anxiety never really went away. i’ve been more and more anxious lately and i’ve been sleeping less and less and sort of been using w this platform as a distraction to get my mind off it. i had a full force panic attack 5 minutes ago and im barley sleeping as it is and working constantly on top of that is taking a toll. recently for the first time in over 6 months those thoughts of being a burden and wanting to just disappear have some back full force. i know i have people to talk to but admitting it out loud to the people i love is so scary so i’ve just been ignoring it. i’ve also been having those urges to hurt myself out of feeling the way i do so strongly but i refuse to act on them because it’s the longest i’ve been clean and im proud of myself for that. i should be okay and back in a few days but i’m just going to try take a break and get my head back on straight. as always i appreciate you guys more than anything. thought id just give you guys a big update with a few chapters before i take a break for a bit. times just do be tough right now. but i’ll be ok. all the love to you all.
tay <3
cookies for you all.