Healing your heart is a terrible process. You sit with your grief and gulp all the regret in your room and still find a piece of yourself empty and void. Nothing ever fills you; you are a glutton who doesn't know what it needs.
The habits you're trying to leave, the people you miss, the urge to go back because everything seems hard hurts more than you can imagine. Your heart is heavy despite the emptiness, and you close your eyes every night wishing it will be better tomorrow.
It gets worse on some days, and okay-ish on others. Healing is a terrible process. You find yourself letting go, moving on from things you shouldn't keep in your life but you also keep going back to the good memories and wondering if it's all necessary.
If only there was a time machine, you would have never put your heart through such hell. The steps you are taking ahead are so unrecognisable at times, you feel like you have barely moved. However, you know it, too, that you are removing yourself a little more each day from the things you can't keep.
One day when you will be no longer thinking of a time machine, when magnolias will be blooming in the sun, when trees will be swinging with the wind, and rain will be kissing every flower in your garden, you will find yourself taking a pause and admiring all that is present in the world. You will be okay again.
Your heart won't be as heavy and you will fall in love with everything once more. That's the promise of time. It doesn't heal your wounds but it makes you forget the intensity of it.
Just because you are grieving now doesn't mean you won't get better.
