There's a reason why I never came out of my shell much, never crossed the walls that I don't even know when I started building around myself. I cried. I was on the verge of a breakdown but they just laugh at me—make fun of me. All for what? Just because I broke down in front of them after years, expressed myself, poured my frustrations out and just spat about how much pressure I am getting under these days. I never wanted to be this weak, never wanted to get so sick and just this emotional and closed off mess that I am today. Really. But it's so hard. I just want a warm embrace and just someone to vent it all to without being judged if I cry or even seem a bit too childish for my age. But I'm still a child too. She's not the only one. It's just a gap a little over a year. Why does she expect me to be all mature every single time? Just because I'm the eldest, doesn't mean that I know how to take upon everything on my shoulders. It's all a mess but I'm trying. I'm trying really hard to not let it affect me too much. I'm surviving. Is that not enough? Maybe it is but I can get better. I will get better but it's just a hard time for. I think I can be allowed to have small breaks just once in a while. It does seem too much to ask seeing the situation but still. Let me be selfish just this once. I won't repeat it. I don't deserve it but I still want it.
