X

Been forever!

https://www.wattpad.com/1400466064-the-shadow-empire-series-intertwined-souls-chapter
          
          
          I wrote this on my other account like three or maybe four years ago, but I deleted that and basically re-edited/remastered it. I'll be posting chapters on here from time to time unless I'm able to actually get it published for monies.

I wanna come back and just post random stuff for fun
          
          I have a collection of my old story ideas to play with

https://poetizer.com/book/ec036d3a-ad26-4e34-8f09-6932849c8b6e

So astrology stuff apparently is making me very upsetti spaghetti about past stuff with my ex ab*ser, something about libra/Aries polarity affecting my chiron. And the best thing to do is talk it out, which I have been
          
          But you wanna know the one good thing about my ab*ser trying to be the mc of my metalocalypse story? I can vent on there, too. It's therapeutic to be writing someone's character as exactly the way they are, not the way they wanted. They used that character as a confidence booster and esp used me to help with that bc I actually know how to write. N to know about such big plans I have for that character to make her the way she deserves and not the way she wanted, is so fun tbh. Esp if she ever sees it on wattpad and gets mad about it.
          
          It might be petty but idc, she used that character to develop a victim complex because she eventually couldn't differentiate between her character going through stuff, and her going through stuff, which made her a victim at all times even when she was ab*sive.
          
          So (and spoiler in case anybody wanted to read the story) I'm excited. Bc instead of a character that goes through every possible bad thing known to man (bc she stole a mix of every other character's stories) and validates her abusive behavior and actually becomes a major protagonist, she's a snake who becomes a major antagonist, a mimic that has stolen a mix of everyone's powers to claim for her own, and lies/steals people's backgrounds because she goes generally unnoticed otherwise (she grew up privileged and spoiled). And the only major thing that happened to her "traumatically" was getting angry that she was told no, and k*lling her father then pinning it on the mother to victimize herself for attention (similar to irl when she said she was planning to k*ll her dad irl for being told no). And other stuff that holds a mirror up to who she actually is, spoiled and mean
          I recommend to anybody who also needs to vent frustrations. Just make them an antagonist

https://www.facebook.com/reel/355433640026000?fs=e&s=cl

https://www.wattpad.com/1085719888-to-write-to-an-abuser-the-tower-reversed
          
          Guess I'll leave this here for anybody who likes poetry, even if it's about abuse. I got a lot of pent up frustration so it was recommended I put my feelings into poetry. If it's not your thing, you don't gotta read it.

To have the audacity to say I never loved you... Damn right I didn't. 
          
          Because the person you portrayed yourself to be was never you. It was a mix of all the people you hurt- their traits, the good things about them, that you stole in order so you could compete with them and ignore your own general incompetence. Then adding a sprinkle of *insert generic group* for their prepackaged quirks so you're maybe a little interesting as a person, or maybe to use a mask to hide your true evil intentions. Everything you made yourself out to be was a lie, fabricated to your use. Just gathering what you could to manipulate your existence, and calling that "intelligence", believing yourself to be a god and even following a religion that could put you on that pedestal. Everything you are is something you felt the need to take or mold yourself into, so your truly egotistical ideals couldn't be seen properly without you pulling out a novel of excuses on why it couldn't be exactly what it is. And you have the audacity to call yourself special. And you have the audacity to sit and complain that I never loved you once I left. 
          
          If you wanna get technical, I never could love you, because I never knew you. I love your victims, however. I love all the people you hurt that you stole from and destroyed. I probably love your old "best friend" more than you ever could, and that's besides the fact that you have no ability to love to begin with. I love the man you abused for five years. I love your family, the ones you threatened to kill before (don't think I've forgotten). You could say I love every stereotypical emo or scene kid or edgy anime character you copied off of in order to be "different". And most of all, I love myself now.
          
          Because all you did was show me the good sides to those people while hiding your true self. Of course I could never love you. You're not even a person, because you would be nothing without those you sink your claws into, to feed off of. 
          
          -Salem.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/270670625-metalocalypse-impending-doom
          
          This is what I've been working on for a year with a couple friends. If you don't know metalocalypse, the humor may go over your head. It's also basically a dramafest and nothing but gayness because it was originally just a parody/drabble of sorts about what it would be like for five "manly" men who feel weird about sharing their feelings, if they were all gay and just didn't tell each other. And essentially included a love octagon (original characters included). Eventually it grew into something bigger, with moral confliction and the pains of transformation to become the best version of yourself.
          
          I had to rewrite a lot and am still in the process of that because there's a lot of really cringe things that needed to be fixed, including some of the original characters' traits. If there are weird name switches or references to made believe scenarios that never happened in previous chapters, lemme know so I can fix it. 
          
          And yeah there's gonna be the same general themes as my other stories with some new ones, implications of abuse and internalized/externalized homophobia, sexism, and/or transphobia, sexual implications, swearing (a LOT), drugs, alcoholism, suicidal thoughts/feelings/attempts. This is your warning. 
          
          If you can look past the strange broken English accents or not be weirded out by the humor if you've never seen metalocalypse, it'll probably be a fun time for you. Lots of drama, it's basically a more complicated soap opera in a way but to be fair the characters on their own are pretty dramatic anyway. 
          
          For the record the prologue is LONG and the chapters are less long but still fairly long, so if you don't like long stories, be aware of that. 
          
          That's all I have to say so maybe give this a chance? Or not, that's okay too.

It's been almost a year. 
          
          Almost a year since I wrote anything on this site. Since trying to update anything I wrote. 
          
          When you're in an abusive relationship, you don't get to even write what you want to write. If you are a good story-teller, you write what THEY wanna read to make them happy. You change the way you write, the way you develop characters, the way you take care of your stories... Everything else sits in a pile of dust in the corner while you become a slave for them. 
          
          It's weird how narcissists can worm their way into your creativity to take control and make you work for them- or worse, finding ways to compete with you after they begged for you to do something creative for them because they wanted you to unintentionally join their little game of superiority. Your drawings, your art, your writing, even video games and other hobbies, they're not just yours anymore, they decide it's "ours". Nothing of yours is just yours anymore unless they have no interest in it, but if they have no interest then you better not work on it. Because they want you to create solely for them. 
          
          Last night I wrote a paragraph of Markiplier fanfic. It's not a lot, but I did it because I'm in control again. It may be small to everyone else- especially considering I've left on hiatus before for a year with my stories- but to me it meant a lot. Because it's time to regain the part of my life and passion that was consumed by a demon, that thought they could control me forever.
          
          Do not let anybody take away your passions for their own personal gain just because they fall short with everything they're envious of you having.