@ExxoIsFluffy
Ee- kind of an update of my stories:
Emotional breakdowns s u c k-
Especially when you can't talk to someone you trust. I feel ugly as all heck and I feel like I can't go in public because if it. Its a possibility it's my medicine but I'm not sure.. I kinda feel like I'm going to take a break from posting unless I'm bored- so.. sorry if anyone is interested in my stories. I just feel really alone quq
Okay- peace out
hey im still alive and just found you, im also late on this bc i could not find ya-
beautiful person award ❤❤
pass on to eight people
@therealflare heck I don't know 8 people
Part two of the text below:
Depresso Exxo:
...Speaking of me thinking things are too rude, Im too skittish to talk to anyone new. I can't make a phone call to a store or something in fear they'll judge me. I can't stand up in the waiting room to go get water from the fountain because I don't want anyone looking at me. Dad is always on mu case about how I need to not be like that but I don't know how to stop. I used to be so great at going up on a stage in front of about 100 people and SINGING- which I'm not great at. I wish I still had that confidence, but for everything else.
Oof- I guess I was wrong about venting only once
Feel free to ignore this, I don't really care, I just need to basically talk to myself
More depresso Exxo warning-
So
I think I've hit a new low
My thoughts are getting worse. Like, was worse. To the point of I can't finish a 46 question math test. I'm sitting here staring off I to space. I feel like I'm an outside figure worrying about myself. Like how a friend would worry about their sad friend. I'm hungry and I want myself to eat, but if I eat too much I'll start to feel sick. I wonder if it's my birth control pills making me this emotional-
Right now I want someone to know I'm hurting but I don't know who to tell because I don't want to worry anyone still. I can't tell my mom because I can't have a proper heart to heart with her. My dad is completely out of the question, he doesn't give a damn about me like that. I can't worry Aidan Auburn or Laurel because they're bad enough as is and I'll make it worse with my emotions
I tell myself that I SUPPOSE to be the one who doesn't want to hurt herself. I tell myself in SUPPOSE to be the person that cares for others and doesn't have ANY emotional issues. BUT THAT'S NOT WHO I AM and it hurts me. I feel like I'm not enough. I'm not a motivation for anyone at this point. Laurel told me today that she met an idol of hers and she told him ' you're the one thing keeping me alive '. And. That. Hurts. So freaking much. But i don't know how to TELL ANYONE ITS HURTS. It would be too rude.
so--- don't usually post my f e e l I n g s online but heck- this is a place to write so I'm here to WRITE OUT MY FEELINGSSS AA
Depresso Exxo ahead- ye be warned
So recently I've been so tired with everything. A lot of my friendships are falling apart and it hurts because I've lost so many as is by stupid mistakes I've made in the past-
I'm to scared to hurt myself physically in fear of people worrying about me but I'm constantly beating myself up in my head. And that's nothing I really have control over anymore.. I feel like I can't vent to any one because I don't want to scare anyone away.. or worry anyone.. I dO have a therapist and she's FANTASTIC but I feel like I can't tell her everything I feel either. I know therapy takes time but I have to need to explode with emotions, but I can't always do that. Whenever I want to cry, I have to suck it up because I do want people seeing me in such a weak emotional state. I believe it's a defense mechanism my brain is doing, but I'm not sure.
I have so many emotions that are trying to claw their way out of me and I don't know how to let to. I don't know how to let go of the trauma. I've been holding it in for so long I don't even know I it's possible to let it out. I've been hiding my issued within the things like and do. Like RVB- I watch that and my emotions temporarily melt away.
Hh-
Okay
That's enough if that-