.

This wasn't an ordinary year with its usual ups and downs.
          This year was a scary ride that passed through things I never witnessed before. 
          One of them is pain. I learnt that we are stronger than we ever think. And that pain is a part of us. Sometimes you have to pretend it isn't there so you can handle it. 
          And other times you have to give up to it so you know it won't kill you anyways.
          I learnt that things change in a matter of days. And that people do leave.
          And the most important thing I learnt is that you have to see your life without anything that used to be there.
          Either health, bodyshape, friend, a place, a feeling or anything your eyes and heart got used to. 
          
          Of course this year had its beautiful events to everyone. But there are always happier things are waiting to happen. At the right exact timing.
          
          I hope this year, something happens to you all.
          That makes you believe it was only temporary.
          And that waiting is a part of it.
          

Happy people always say
          "Hang on dear, it'll be okay".
          Lol. Happy people, they dont know
          I just cant hang on anymore.
          Im void of motion, force and form
          Im fused into the raging storm.
          
          Happy people, they mean well,
          I look at them and I can tell.
          They wish they knew what to do
          Or what to say when I am blue.
          I know they'll never understand
          Im throttled by a hidden hand,
          Dragging me into a hole
          Drowning me, stifling me body and soul.

No matter how hard I try, I've learned that I'll never be good enough. Not for the people who I love only, even for the people who I care about the most.
          
          Throughout this journey I've learned that for you, I am the person who you'll turn to according to your own convinience, when you need something by one way or the other. Other than that I am just a stone in your pathway, which you'll purposefully ignore while moving forward.
          
          Everytime I try to remind my self that it's gonna be alright, but deep down it's not. It's baring my soul away. Slowly but steadily it's also ripping my sanity into bits and pieces, and I've got no conscience as of now. 
          
          Now I let the monsters in my head consume me with no worries about the outcome. And it's dragging me to the darkest place where I vowed myself to never go back again. I am fighting with the demons of my life and trying my best not to drown completely in my self pity.
          
          Truth be told, I am already too far gone. 
          Back to square one, from where I picked myself up the last time I gave up fighting my own battles. But this time it's different. Because now, I don't let you see the ruthless monsters I have to deal with. Frankly, you are too engrossed in yoursleves to notice anything. 
          
          I am afraid that it'll be too late when your common sense kicks in and you realize this. By that time I'll already be gone, far far away, to the point of no return. You'll feel bad for awhile but everything is gonna be alright with time. Because after all, I was only a milestone in your lives which you stumbled upon unintentionally. 
          
          As people say, bad things come and go. When that time comes just remeber that I was a bad thing which came and went, but being bad, I made a lot of impact on your lives to push you wherever you are today. Just remember that even if you'll never remember me.
          - Anonymous -