FORTUNATE_FUNDY

it's easier to be negative than it is to be positive.
          what do you choose?
          
          i choose to be positive
          because i want to avoid all that is bad.
          
          the world we live in is rotten, i know,
          and it's hard to look away from all that and see the positivity in it.
          
          is it better to be positive? or should i give up my nonsense? i don't really have an answer on that one yet. i keep my hopes up.
          
          because it's better to find affection in those who like you, than be resented for being negative all the time.
          
          i don't really make any sense, honestly.

everyday, and everyday, life becomes a suffocating force.
          every day, and everyday, i get less and less time to focus on the things i love.
          
          the only thing
          that keeps me on the ground,
          on the soil, slowly sinking into the sod of the earth,
          is to know that when i die,
          i shall be buried
          with a name that does not belong to me.
          and people who mourn me,
          who never bothered to know me.
          
          i feel, that is one of my biggest fears.
          that is what keeps me living.
          
          if i could, i would live somewhere far away from earth,
          maybe on uranus, the coldest planet of all. 
          for my heart is cold inside.
          
          i'd spend everyday, everyday, chasing the stars.
          everyday, i'd float with no care in the world.
          no one in my ear, telling me who i am.
          who i am, what i am, what i should be, what i am meant to be.
          
          some days, it'd get lonely,
          everyday, i'd be lonely,
          up in uranus,
          cold and alone.
          it wouldn't make much of a difference, i feel,
          for on earth, i was even more miserable.
          cold, alone, stark, desolate, sullen and filled with agonizing pain.

if you do somehow read this- yes, you; remember those good times. they are memories that must be cherished. sorrow does come, and it is never enough to say "it will pass". you must cherish those times, too. to look back at the progress you made, even if it was only a step forward.

must i yet again pine for love's embrace?
          i desire nothing more but to be held.
          
          fleeting romances, but never one that seems to last.
          
          my heart is sore, no, heavy. no, it aches. no, it cries. no, it bleeds.
          how much longer must i endure?

when i was younger i felt the need to be older, now im older i pretend to be younger.
          seventeen years on earth and i thought i would only be alive for thirteen.

there's fog in my mind.
          and it's mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
          i try to sleep but i'm never calm
          enough to
          drift away with my mind
          on the fog.
          in this misty hour,
          i only dream.
          of what it could be
          to get mine, mine, mine, mine, mine
          mind off this fog.

is the world getting more distant, or am i the distant one?
          i have so many worries inside my head.
          
          will i ever be able to hold someone in my arms?
          what will i do for my future?
          what are my beliefs?
          will i get hurt again?
          will my name be known, or will i die in silence?

a god may sing to the world to awake,
          yet it may not.
          
          "hyacinthus?"
          "..."
          
          the unusual sound of silence.
          hyacinthus was never silent, was he? he filled the air with his joy.
          
          "hyacinthus?"
          the name was whispered.

saw someone saying "mizitill would be so cute and in a relationship in another situation"
          what situation?
          
          a person can't just begin to love someone because it's different, and they are not in the same environment. in au's/different universes too.
          
          a person can't CHOOSE their sexuality. mizi is a lesbian and she won't love till romantically.
          
          "people are so sensitive, mizitill is not that bad."
          sorry for caring about representation being erased. i'm just a little bitch wo won't stop whining, aren't i?

i see beauty in things people don't.
          it infuriates me,
          but i guess i'll appreciate the beauty alone.