Fallen_Angel42

I feel like i'm a problem 

Warning: slightly inappropriate 
          
          
          Anyone else just start deapthroating an icepop whenever they have one?  (like the bomb pops or trolli gummy ice pops) 

I accept that sleep isn’t a luxury i get to enjoy tonight as it is just after 3:30 in the morning and I haven't gotten to sleep at all. I tried all the usual stuff but nothing helped and I feel bleh so I get to suffer. Yay. Guess I'll distract myself till someone else is awake which isn't likely till roughly 10:30 to 11 in other words  several hours away from now. Hope you're all doing well tho

Makeup/asetetic idea (sorry if the spelling is wrong) 
          
          Putting glitter on any and all visible scars on your body. Not so much to remind you of how you got them but as a reminder that you're freaking awesome for being alive or surviving whatever caused those scars. (I have a lot of scars myself a few of which are on my face from accidental injuries that have happened throughout my life and the glitter made me happy) 
          
           it also made me think that this is something Mable Pines from gravity falls would totally do- i also realized why people compliment my eyes whenever I wear contacts--while applying the glitter-

Oh the things I think about myself when there's no one actively telling me to "be nice" 
          
          And yet somehow the insults directed at myself turn into song lyrics. That actually sound good. It's like my subconscious wants to turn my life into a damned musical. Isn't that insane? I mean it kinda makes sense to me because I clearly have a couple screws loose. Which is probably why I think of my life as a joke to begin with. Seriously it's absolutely hilarious. Just the amount of things that don't make sense or go wrong on a daily basis makes it feel like i'm living in a freaking cartoon. Not literally but close. I honestly could probably write a book or 10 with the amount of ideas I have if I had the motivation and put in the effort but I don't because I continue To commit the sin of sloth. (I'm not even religious because there's no point in believing in gods) I literally just said that because it fit and sounded better than admitting that my lack of motivation comes from my mental health issues that I am actually taking care of via therapy (because apparently I can be a responsible adult when I need to specifically in order to avoid having my family be worried about me) i'm oki. I am rambling tho because I'm tired and have no one else to talk to that isn't family or my therapist who I get to talk to tomorrow. Anywho does anyone actually think I can write a song that would be popular? I have so many lyrics and concepts if anyone responds to this post, maybe I'll post some of the lyrics so you guys can judge me. 

I think I need someone with the personality of Utage kinoshita from Tamon's B side to cheer me on in my life cuz I need human interaction and to not feel like trash. (I'm exhausted and had a slight panic attack earlier because of the lack of face to face interaction with other humans cuz i'm dogsitting for the entire week. Alone.) 
          
          
          If anyone wants to talk or whatever I'll check my notifications every so often (tho I really need some sleep at the moment so I'll be back in the morning) Goodnight everyone!!

Dogsitting for family and they (the dogs)  don't let me sleep in because they decided to bark and howl at 4 in the dawned morning. Every freaking day. And i'm stuck here for an entire week.  The dogs are good otherwise tho. 

Do I have any value? Am I worth anything? I'm 20 years old, I don't have a social life, I avoid my problems and emotions because if I ignore it long enough it's not real. Because nothing i feel is actually real. Everything I've done, said, and felt were/are all just me being fake. I got so used to acting the way I do that I sometimes forget how little I care about myself, others, and reality in general. I do the bare minimum to keep the few people in my life from being annoying since they care for some reason. I eat, I sleep, I go about life like any other human. However my life is primarily focused on making the few people who care for some reason happy. If I can’t be happy, then I can at least make other people happy. Honestly idk why I even bother posting. Maybe i'm looking for sympathy or pity. Or having hope of being acknowledged even when I'm realistically an attention wh○re. My life is pretty good when I think about it. I just don't feel things the way other people do, so I put on an act so I seem normal. Confrontation is scary, so I avoid it. Reality is also scary like a thunderstorm or the sound the vacuum makes. If it's up to me, I would choose to reject reality in a heartbeat. And in some ways I have. But not completely. No matter how much I want to, I can't completely let go of reality maybe if I had enough money to support my delusional mindset. Oh well. Guess I should try to get some sleep since it's almost midnight. Or not. Depending on how bad my insomnia is tonight. 
          
          Hope you're all having a wonderful night/day! 

Can I just not wake up tomorrow i don't wanna go to work. I'm tired. I wanna sleep. Insomnia sucks and even when I do sleep I dont feel rested when I wake up. I wake up easily/frequently and have been sleeping less recently getting at most 6 hours and that's on a good night

People with blue eyes are more likely to have depression while people with brown eyes are more likely to be athletic (this doesn't apply to every person just to be clear)