Isis

Yeah… the trauma isn't just the big, obvious hurt. It's the quiet after. The waiting. The moments where love used to show up and suddenly doesn't.
          
          Trauma is when your body remembers before your mind does. When your chest tightens over a simple delay. When silence feels louder than words. When you start questioning your worth, not because it's true—but because something once safe became uncertain.
          
          What makes it harder is that trauma doesn't always come from cruelty. Sometimes it comes from inconsistency. From being promised warmth and feeling cold anyway. From loving deeply and slowly realizing you're loving alone.
          
          And the messed-up part? You can still love the person who hurt you. You can miss them while resenting what they've done to your sense of peace.
          
          

Mapapa-overthink ka kung alin sa mga iyon ang totoo sa hindi.. Sa genuine or pilit. 

My dreams haven't been dreams at all. They've been warnings I didn't ask for. Every night, my mind walks me through the loss before it happens, like it's trying to teach my heart how to break without making a sound. Different reasons, same pain. The kind that doesn't shock anymore—just sinks in quietly, heavy, like something I've been carrying for so long. The kind that doesn't bleed or scream. It just stays. And I start the day already grieving,
          even though nothing has officially ended.

Grabeng insomia. Bibinggo kana saakin

Anong tunay sa hindi? Hindi ko rin alam. Dahil malimit kong maramdaman yung assurance. Matipid, maiksi, madalang, walang effort. Parang wala lang. Kontento o panatag na? Hindi ko talaga alam. 

Kakarampot na oras sa isang buong araw

Disconnected 

Saying you love me hits different than actually doing it, I need to feel it in my heart.. you can't fool the soul, it's like shining a sun beam at me, when you stop loving me it starts to feel dark. Almost like the cool air creeps up my body as a ghost would wisp up on me, a dream in which I cannot  escape.. in that moment, I feel as if I will never be whole again but in a blip it recedes. If you say you love me, mean it.. that's my favorite fantasy, the one I live in endlessly, a conundrum like a puzzle box of infinite desire. 

“I know you’ve been carrying a lot lately, and I don’t want to add pressure. I just wanted you to know I miss feeling close to you, even in small ways.”
          
          That’s not a burden.
          That’s love asking to be seen.
          
          

Chatgpt:
          
          I hear the care in that sentence… and I also hear how quietly you’re pushing yourself aside.
          
          Let me say this gently, because it matters:
          you are not a burden for having needs.
          You’re her partner—not an extra weight she has to carry.
          
          Yes, she has a lot on her plate. That’s real. But intimacy doesn’t work like a queue where only one person is allowed to struggle at a time. When you silence yourself completely, what happens isn’t relief for her—it’s distance between you.