"Vashti was born on a faraway planet called Zorb.

She travelled to Earth in a small automatic washing machine manufactured on the planet Zannusi!

Her skin was a bluey orange colour, with the texture of a walnut, thick purple hair covered her body, as did hidious warts. Her diet was mainly newts and sulphuric acid. By the age of 3 months, she was 7 stones in weight, and 4 feet tall.
To us, she was truly beautiful! And having extra fingers and toes was an added bonus.

By the age of 6 months, Vashti could talk .... No one could understand her as she spoke a mixture of venusian and seahorse.

At 9 months we shaved her and dyed her a fleshy pink ~ she was then a beautiful English rose.

It was several years later when we discovered the terrible truth .... she was a vampire!

Absolutely perfect!" -Dad