FluffySpirits

My private library has gone poof??? Like?? It only says Current Reads and then my public lists?? Where is the private library now???

FluffySpirits

this message may be offensive 
I dont want to announce this to my followers as I dont want to burden anyone with my problems but I just need some to give me advice. Not bullshit "awh you get better or it'll be okay" I want some decent advice or just someone to tell me that I am in the wrong and I shouldn't have done what I did or had these thoughts.
          
          I accidentally put my best friend into an anxiety attack, as I didn't know they were triggered by something and I feel awful, I've already left the group chat.     
          
          (9 people including me, my best friend and my girlfriend, oh yeah I have a gf) 
          
           I'm in with them twice, once because I was getting anxious about the group basically ignoring me and feeling like they hated me because I was annoying because irl alot of people hate me. The second one was because I  was guilty of the anxiety attack I sent my bff into.
          
          I dont want to talk in the chat because they'll think I'm an asshole for sending my bff into an anxiety talk.
          
          I don't want to vent to them as they will just end up saying I'm selfish for wanting to dump my problems on them.
          
          I keep telling myself in my head, to not eat (a. Cause I 'dont deserve it' and B. Because I have a medical issue which involves how I eat and not doing some stuff properly)
          
          I dont ever fuxking shower
          I sleep at shxt o' clock in the morning
          I eat too little cause after like 4 bites I get full and feel sick.
          
          I feel I'm putting too much on my GF because I word vomit and vent to her all the time and she never gets the chance to vent to me because she's too selfless to think she can do so.
          
           (Trigger Warning: suicidal thoughts) (skip to the part where it says end of trigger)
          
          
          
          I've been having some bad suicidal thoughts lately, I get like 0.5 second flashes of vivid images of me being stabbed, hung, shot, ripped apart, getting my limbs torn off, being pulled by 4 different ropes at once so I die a slow painful death
          
          
          
          (End of trigger)
          
          I just need some advice or someone who can even in the slightest understand.

Autumn_Minx

@FluffySpirits You can do it I have every belief in you, you can do this. It's no problem I'm always here for you if you need it ♡♡x
• Reply

FluffySpirits

@Autumn_Minx omg I'm going to cry- Thankyou for that >~< It's nice to hear that there is a way out, sometimes even if you know there is one you need to be reminded that you can do it. ^-^ I watched YouTube for a good too long so I'm feeling a little better and a little bit more better from your reply. Tysmm!! ♡♡♡♡♡ Appreciation and Thankyou hearts.
• Reply

Autumn_Minx

You aren't a burden to anyone. Definitely not us. Definitely not me. If you ever need to talk dm me you can have my social media if you'd like and we can talk and I can help you if you need me too I've been there I promise. 
            
            Eating problems are extremely heavy to overcome I understand that so it's not gonna be a quick and easy fix. But with that needs to come a better mental attitude towards yourself, this can help improve a lot of things like sleep and dreams and slowly get my on a road to recovery. 
            
            Your girlfriend and yourself deserve each other. You're allowed to feel sad and talk to her that's what she's here for. If you are self conscious about how you're wanting to be there for her just take time out of your day to ask about her. She will appreciate it and you'll feel so warm and accomplished and your heart will feel so much better it may be able to help you. I know it did in my case. 
            
            Your friends WILL come around my advice is to talk to your friend that had the anxiety attack and apologise and tell her how sorry you are and how you didn't mean to but hope that she is okay. Clearing things up with her may help with your other friends and things might get back on the right track. X
• Reply