@Foreverdot
hiiii how have you been
@lxly_lvna I'm good, just got to thanksgiving break THANK THE LORDDDDD. School been a bit stressful but altogether neat. I just got discord too which is cool. It's really nice to see you!! How are you?
hiiiiii
Yk when you see a message on the unsent project and you just KNOW that one was meant for you. You can just tell but you can't prove it.
Sent yesterday, apologizing for how they ended it, saying they should have thanked me for being so understanding
That's such a RASPBERRY thing to say bro. I'm like positive that's who sent it man.
I sent one in reply, hope it gets posted and hope she sees it
I miss her
My speech went as well as it could do that's neat :)
I still have a lot to do, I will get NO REST this weekend and I have no time for homework. RIP
I want to get blackout drunk and tell you everything I feel. How mad and madly in love I am at you.
God, I'm sorry
Let's write a speech I forgot to write that I'm presenting tomrorow and probably gonna fuck up so bad
I'm failing at everything bro
@Foreverdot girl I’m gonna be so fr with you right now… we’re all failing at at least one thing. Even people who seem like they have everything together, don’t. It’s a facade. And if by chance I’m wrong, and they magically do somehow have it all together, I promise, it doesn’t stay that way. I’m failing at sooo many things rn and honestly I feel like crap because of it, but I know the only thing I can do is just push myself to lessen the amount of things I’m failing at. And I’ve been SUCKING at that so wish me luck… I’m gonna have to use Pinterest for motivation to literally just do basic human things. Anyways the point is You are not alone :)
Of course I know he's more beautiful than the Aurora Borealis. But how come YOU get to tell him so.
why can't I just be happy for them. All I feel is SHITTY because I can't have that. I feel like a selfish brat because I want to be able to talk to her like that. Those words are supposed to be MINE to say. And I fucking lost it.
AUUUUUGHHHHHHH
I miss him. I miss him. I love him and I can't even say it. FUCKKKKKK
Im supposed to be happy. But god I am burning with nothing but jealousy. Why couldn't I get the situation that he has? Knowing he likes me and STILL being able to flirt and show affection. WHY COULDNT IT HAVE ENDED LIKE THAT. WHY CANT I HAVE IT. IT DOESNT FEEL FAIR
AND I SOUND SELFISH BUT I DONT CARE ANYMORE I JUST WANT THEM BACK PLEASE GOD PLEASE SEND ME BACK LET ME CHANGE IT LET ME HAVE JUST ONE MORE CHANCE I KNOW WHAT TO SAY NOW
PLEASE I HAVE ONLY A COUPLE YEARS LEFT TILL GRADUATION WJY CANT I SPEND THEM WOTH THE ONLY PERSON I WANT TO SPEND THEM WITH. FUCK.
FUCK.
The lights in the sky are beautiful
It just isn't fair.
It took me forever to get a good healthy connection with raspberry again once she said she couldn't do it. And even now we still have problems.
But she was able to stop what was going on with the new person (WHICH ONLY TOOK HER LIKE A WEEK TO FIGURE OUT WAS HAPPENING, THANKS TO ME AND MY OTHER FRIEND. WITH ME IT WAS MONTHS.) but they're somehow allowed to keep up their silly flirty banter with her. It's not fair. I had to sit in my room isolated and sobbing and wising I would fall asleep for months while I had to give her space. I had to avoid her in the mornings. I had to apologize for acting shitty and negative when she didn't even care to ask WHY. I have spent months in grueling heartbreak, trying my fucking hardest to get our relationship back on track, even without the her requited love. And even today. I can't flirt, or tell her how much I love and admire her without it sounding wrong. And I almost, ALMOST got a second chance at it. But I guess I wasn't kind enough or loving enough to convince her I did still like her.
But SOMEHOW. Some completely new person notorious for changing crushed every TWO WEEKS, who has ONLY LIKED HER FOR A WEEK. Somehow they get to tell her all these things and be around her physically and she won't need me anymore.
I've lost it all, haven't I. Just once again I lost it. Fuck me. Fuck everything. It's not fair.
Why me? Why did she have to tell me? Out of everyone why did it have to be me?
Of course I want to be happy for her. That she's made this connection and able to pursue it, and I am. But it's not fair. I want to call her a cute nerd and send her images she'll laugh at all night. I want to partner with her in P.E. Or hug her so tight every day.
I don't get that, and I never got that after whatever the fuck happened with us.
Way to go me.
@Foreverdot yeah, distance is probably a good idea but please remember to give yourself some grace to feel whatever you need to
@ReaperOfStorys Thank you mother <33 It's really not her fault. I only want the best for her. But GOD it hurts. She's my best friend but if I were ever to spend the last years of high school with someone it would be her. And I wish I could have said the right things when I got the chance and now it's gone :( It's been over a year mother. I possibly should start distancing myself from her if I want to feel anything but shitty at this point
@Foreverdot I'm sorry this is happening. You deserve so much better then this shit <33
Back to square one I go