Yes, I am aware that Goldilocks Wanted Dead or Alive was released yesterday.
Yes, I am aware I make an appearance in the graphic novel.
Yes, I admit the art style did not treat me favorably (though I am grateful for the effort and the eyeliner, truly).
But please, before @Time_CMA has the chance to convince you otherwise…
No, I am not secretly handsome Squidward in disguise.
Thank you for interrupting my sleep, Cyrus.
I hope the rest of you have a good day.
Sincerely,
Xanthous Hayfield.