Third post:
1. The book sounds and looks extremely childish, I will prevent that as I delete every cliche and desperate looking sentences, thoughts, state of the character and etc. The point of the book, the whole story and plot, was to be one dark story with a boy - the son of the light, Aslan, who enters in that world and has to deal with that bloody planet, with these bizarre people and all. That HAD to be a DARK and SERIOUS story, AND IT ABSOLUTELY DOESNT SOUND THAT WAY. It has to be serious D:
So, that's what I will mostly work on.
2. More character development and world building - LACK of description. Thankfully, I've read a few English books and I've learned so many new words and adjectives, I'm fangirling... If you could say it that way :D
3. AND ESEPCIALLY DIFFERENT CHARACTER OF VIOLA. She was supposed to be a rebellion. A woman, who has a kind soul, but only for those who she loves. And so much more. She really has to be rewritten.
4. I'm bringing very dark mood.
5. Also changing a little bit Anastasia.
That is.. A LOT of things... It major. And it will take a lot of time. But I'm doing this, because I want you guys to read something amazing, interesting, engulfing. Not some childish book with a hint of scariness. No, that's not my goal. THIS BOOK HAS TO BE DARK AND SERIOUS. As I said. Numerous times already. :D
It will undoubtedly take time. After all, I'm REWRITING.
Continuing in the forth post...