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got an embroidering kit today, also feel really sad for some reason and i might cry. also my first love is fucking dating someone she met like three weeks ago (i introduced them and jerry asked her out like a week ago whatthe fuck-) so i genuinely want to scream. BUT i cant fucking DO THAT because its WINTER BREAK. normally i go out in front of my high school during lunch and just scream fuck and its affordable therapy for me but i wont be able to do that FOR TWO FUCKING WEEKS and if i could do it right now, i wouldnt just scream once, oh no no no, mon ami. I would scream my heart and lungs out and then fall onto the sidewalk and break down. not just because of jerry and dane, everything has seemed shitty lately even though its all really good. but when i look back on it, everything has like a grey filter over it, like i can only remember the sad or bad parts. i went to my friends house last week, we had a sleepover, went to see a musical and a play, then cosplayed, played animal crossing, and watched bo burnham. but all i can remember is how bad i was when we were making those cosplay tiktoks which spirals into me overthinking my entire life because ive always wanted to be an actor, its a lifelong dream of mine but lately ive realized that i wouldnt make it. i sound like a dying cat when i sing, i cant fake emotions to save my life, and the only true acting i can do is suppressing emotions or screaming. and then it leads me into doing something like this, ranting on the internet for attention, which i fucking hate doing but its a thing that i cant stop, believe me, ive tried. i got to hang out with some kids from my fifth grade friend group on friday though, which made me happy (two of which i have classes with, one i havent seen for a fewyears, one kid i have a crush on and i gave him relationship counseling during the musical, and the other kid was gone but thank the gods bc ive sorts stalked him in the past when i had a crush on him :/ so.. yeah. its all good :)