GR1M_R34P3R_

kinda hope she doesnt check this but part of me hopes she does
          
          first, i want to be together again, and i want to be public about it, but my friends remember and know what happened and dont like you, like, at all
          
          and im such a people pleaser, i want everyone to be happy. if we get together, i want you to be happy. and you dont want a secret relationship. neither do i. but i also want my friends to be happy, mainly [insert name], cause she has seen me at my worst and she is my best and closest friends.
          
          second, i want to be together again, but how do i know you wont hurt me again? those were the worst seven months of my life before we went no contact. ever since you texted me again that october, i cant stop thinking about you. its like how i felt about you when we were dating. i wanna try again, but i dont want to be hurt like that again. cause it really fucking hurt
          
          anyways, thanks for coming to my TED talk

TABLECLOTH

I LOVE CHAINSAW MAN

PINTEREST NEEDS TO STOP CALLING ME OUT ON MY SHIT.

hey, sorry for venting
          i cant take it anymore. im sick and tired of my fucking head not being able to move on from her. i DESPERATELY want to talk to people and date and all that shit. but my stupid fucking head cant stop thinking about her. a peice of me so desperately wants her boyfriend to break up with her and we get back together and life would be perfect again. but no. im sat here at 12 in the fucking morning looking at her fucking discord profile. ive been told many times from different people to remove her or block her. BUT I JUST CANT. I TRY TO BUT MY FUCKING HEAD WONT LET ME. I WANT TO BE BETTER, I WANT TO BE HAPPY. BUT NO. IM STUCK IN THIS FUCKING LOOP OF SELF-SABOTAGE. IM STUCK WITH MYSELF. IM STUCK WITH MY HEAD. I FUCKING HATE IT HERE. I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AND BE BETTER AND I WANT TO HEAL. I WANT TO REALLY HEAL SO FUCKING BADLY. BUT I CANT. IM SO FUCKING TIRED. im so tired.
          
          anyways thats my ted-talk ^^

i dont have a reason to be sad. 
          
          not one at all.
          
          i have a good home life, good school, good friends.
          
          there’s something wrong with me.
          
          whenever the good things come, i have them. not for long. they get ripped away from me, leaving me in the shell of a human ive become.
          
          am i
          
          broken?
          
          was i
          
          born broken?

WHY IS IT GETTING BAD AGAIN.
          
          IT HAS NO REASON TO BE BAD AGAIN.
          
          I WAS JUST STARTING TO GET BETTER.
          
          I DONT WANT TO GET BAD AGAIN.
          
          PLEASE DONT LET IT GET BAD AGAIN.
          
          IM BEGGING YOU.

i desperately need loving physical touch and affection :((

I HATE HOW MY LOVE LANGUAGE IS TOUCH.
          
          MF IS IN ANOTHER STATE
          
          >:(
          
          CANT HAVE SHIT AROUND HERE.

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