未来

Somehow things seem better but I've gotten far worst. But I'm still going... what for? 
          I still don't have the answer to that.

멀어지는 계절같이 넌
          추억 속에 모두 남기고
          웃으면서, 웃으며 간다고

"The amount I mourn one's dying is less related to how close we were and more to how much their death makes nonsense of the universe."
          
          from, 'Six Funerals' by Eric Sirota

Words could only help you if you use them... yet even when I've said sorry hundreds of times nothing changed. The pain remains and you remain dead.
          My heart feels heavier and heavier with the more words I use. They feel like waste of breath when I' not sure if they reach you. Do they reach you? Do my words and feelings reach you wherever you are?
          
          Too my two loves, everyday without you seems so dim. So much time has passed and I remember you everyday but the pain remains the same. I am so sorry that I failed you. 
          
          Still I try to fix it somehow. I try so hard to forgive myself but it seems impossible. I wish you could just come back to me. Let's be happy.
          

I'M SO SAD. I'M SO SAD. I'M SO SAD. I'M SO SAD.
          SOMEONE HELP. SOMEONE HELP.
          I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN. SO MUCH PAIN.
          I WANT HIM BACK. BRING HIM BACK. SOMEONE BRING HIM BACK TO ME. I MISS HIM. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

IF ANYONE IS READING MY WORK. PLEASE MESSAGE ME. JUST DO IT.

To my dog, who has left this world.
          
          You will always be with me, until the day I die.
          I told you I had to go first, so why did you go first?
          
          I'll see you soon.

I'm writing to myself now. It's as real as it gets now. I don't care what people think or if they see this. I won't apologize any longer for the pain I bring to others with my thoughts. This is no longer a place for me to write stories for others to read. It's a place where people seek what I write.

Dear Jonghyun,
          I want to let you go, but I cannot. Not yet anyway. So I'll offer you my endless gratitude and all my love. 
          There are still things I cannot come to accept or comprehend. 
          I know you are no longer with us, but I cannot accept the way you went. I will never do that, accepting that would be doing nothing giving up. That is the last thing I'll do, I will never give up on what you could not see accomplished.
          So my moon, keep brightening up my path and take care of my fallen stars. You may be out of my reach, but seeing you shine, that is enough.
          The pretty words you left behind are enough.
          You were more than enough, so thank you for letting yourself be part of my life. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life.
          
          I love you immensely Jonghyun. You worked so hard and did far more than well. 
          
          I hope you are having a good time wherever you may be.

@wholelotofhobi you're welcome! Please check out any of my stories!