hey hey, so just fyi i read the whole chapter twice and here are my thoughtsss
regarding the content:
- i love ur concept of alma galema! i haven’t read such thing yet, so it was refreshing. it’s also very fitting for an addams family story.
- this is a great introduction chapter (the character goals, themes, tone etc. are clearly set). there is just the right amount of exposition.
- just be careful when u write about wednesday wanting to ‘gouge her eyes out’ or ‘gag herself with chloroform’, because — depending on where u place these little description — it may pull the reader out of the actual scene. i love how graphic these are btw, they’re just distracting sometimes, so be careful not to overuse them.
regarding grammar (ironic coming from someone who types in all lowercase, i know):
- mind capital letters and punctuation, especially commas. tip: proofread and use a free online grammar checker, it weeds out TONS of small mistakes and only takes 5 min.
- good use of paragraphs, it makes it easier to read :)
- love how u threw in some spanish, i would just put those parts in italic (personal preference, u don’t HAVE to do that).
- u are consistent most of the time, but be careful not to switch tenses mid-sentence.
overall:
ur story is very good so far! just keep in my mind that correct grammar will make it stand out even more, as it can make the difference between good and great. also, don’t be afraid to do more ‘show, don’t tell’ (e.g. when u use the descriptions of how wednesday wants to gauge her eyes out etc., u don’t HAVE to explicitly state the feeling too)
keep goinggg !! ٩(ᐛ)و
