Gay_l0vers

I miss writing all of the time

Gay_l0vers

*insert sad face*
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Gay_l0vers

The phrase, "hate is a strong word" has stuck with me for years. The thing is though, the person who told me this, I should hate him. It was my ex. I should hate him, he was manipulative, he emotionally abused me, and he sa'd me but I don't. Now it doesn't mean I don't forgive him. I gave up forgiving him a long time ago. It's been 7 months since we stopped talking. He was my best friend, which could be a reason why I don't hate him. I am deeply upset though. It has affected my daily life and with everything I know. The memories still haunt me to this day. It has taken me, 9 months to finally be comfortable in my own skin and I'm still recovering. I will never get that part of me back. As much as I should hate him, I don't. In a way, I wish for him to become a better person. I don't want him to forget what he had done but he shouldn't be like this forever. I know he has an account on this app, and if he even uses it and reads this, I just want you to know, become a better person, just for yourself though, not for anyone else. Please do not reach out to me though, I don't think I will ever forgive what you had done. Yes, I was a shitty person but you had done worse. Its better for us to not talk to each other and be separated. Maybe in another life we could of been better people and still had been friends, but not in this one.

Gay_l0vers

We broke up.

Gay_l0vers

this message may be offensive 
@gwenny_wenny Thank you, we're on good terms but the thing is I still fucking love him. I want to let go but I can't.
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gwenny_wenny

@M3l0dyyyyyyy thats so messed up. im sorry and im here for you
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Gay_l0vers

this message may be offensive 
@gwenny_wenny I'm not sure, I don't understand why this happened. We were fine until this one guy decided to say some shit to mess things up. He called me and said that someone had told him there was stuff going on between me and one of my guy best friends (Even though I never had feelings for him romantically and sometimes I saw him as a younger brother I had to watch over) and he said that multiple people were saying our communication was off and that he was putting more effort even though they didn't know what was going on. We were both trying to fix that. He also said he needed to work on himself and that he's not going to talk to anyone for a while, which makes me worried. I'm scared he's going to do something. I still deeply care for him and he knows that. I even told him if that he ever needs someone to talk to, I will always be there for him. I don't know how long it will take for me to feel "better" again. Ive never loved someone as I loved him.
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