Nadia

You don’t know how hard it is to tell someone to not kill themselves, 
          
          When sometimes, you want to die too.

I try helping people so much that I often forget about myself.

I honestly hate my life.
          
          I have no reason to, I’m the American white privileged girl. 
          
          But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m lonely, depressed and stressed. 

I can’t love or be loved, it’s as simple as that. 
          
          I want a relationship so badly, but I’m scared. I’m terrified. Everyone seems to have someone, when I have no one. I haven’t found anyone even remotely worthy of me, and I know it’s dumb, but I’m starting to think no one will ever be enough to satisfy me.
          
          And even if I think I like someone, they’re either taken or I convince myself nothing will happen. That it’s all nothing. Because I’m too scared to flirt, to make a move— because I’m afraid of rejection and having my heart broken. 
          
          I shield myself off to the world. Barb my heart in wire, then throwing out the key into a bottomless ocean hoping someone will swim to retrieve it for me. But no one will. I’m the one who needs to retrieve the key. 
          
          I need to free myself, but I won’t. 
          
          I’m told I’m too young. That I can’t be in love. And they’re right. I’ve only had one true crush, someone I could say I was “head over heels” for. But even that wasn’t love, just attraction. 
          
          I’ve compensated my feelings for others many times. I’ve lied, too weak or scared to tell them that I really don’t love them back. That it’s too early. That I don’t even like them. 
          
          But apart of me wishes I did. 
          
          Because if I did, perhaps I wouldn’t be so alone. 

I think I'm bringing Geminia29 back? 
          
          Mine as well, it's my tumblr name also. 

I need a new username. 

I honestly don't even know what to do this this account. 

Wtf am I doing with my life? 

Whisper confession #1:
          
          "I wish we were all born with tattoos identical to our soulmates. So we could find each other rather than waste time our time on people who don't care about us." 
          
          Me: I agree <3 

Bucket list idea #1:
          
          Shove cake in my partners face at our wedding.