Hello. I saw your post on AuthorAnons_ page and took a look at your story myself. I am here out of curiosity and can offer you some friendly writer's advice...if you wish. If not, pretend I never said a word. *winks* Your beginning is good, and you set up your story with an interesting plot. Your character structure is complex enough, which is an excellent start. However, I noticed some flaws. Do not worry. We all have them. That is what makes us... shall we say, unique? I would suggest three main problems and possible solutions. First, you need to add more details. You can breathe life into your story by adding sensory descriptions. Try and use your five senses (taste, touch, smell, sound, sight) to immerse your readers. I also noticed you tended to write tediously long sentences. I dislike to sound like a boring teacher, but they need to be shorter. I've found that a period can be especially useful in dealing with run on sentences. Finally, you have a bit of grammatical errors. (Capitolization, quotation marks, and a few spelling mistakes) I understand this story is still blooming and it takes time and much effort to write. Forgive me if I was too harsh...I enjoy helping others on their path to greatness.
Happy Writing,
WizardPendragon6
