ANGELFACE

I love the fact that you wattpad sent me a message that my story hasn’t been updated in months when I published a story today Lmfao.

Hey so like I know I’ve been dead for like a few months now but in honor of pride- if any of my followers just like want to get to know me or have questions for me- like I’m a gender-fluid trans man or if you identify similarly to me and just want to talk to someone about the positives and the negatives I’m open to any communication you’d like lol 

AHHHH IM ON A COMPUTER NOW THIS IS SO WEIRD LOL

The sheer amount of Mother’s Day ads I’ve gotten feels so pointed lmfao- like I get it- my behavior online is very parentless but there’s no need to rub it in my face 

Hey all, sorry for being so random and sporadic with updates and all that jazz- real life has been like really nice but still a bit of a bitch all at once.
          I promise stuffs being written but just very slowly. 
          Also got into Rammstein- Richard is so- he’s just so hot i can barely handle it lol. Every fixation I had on the fandoms I have books on is kind of falling on the back burner so that’s why things have been slower but hey I’m trying hard to get back into it  
          

More grief/trauma dumping ahead, read with precaution. 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          Like I know the whole phrase of how parents should never have to bury their children and I wholeheartedly believe that, but being a teenager and burying a parent fucking sucks. I’m also not trying to say that one grief is worse or one is less but like I’ve been really feeling the whole guilt side of grief, like a whole lot of guilt. I’ve been having pretty intense brain-fogs because of how intense the whole process has been. And for a moment a few nights ago I genuinely couldn’t remember my own mothers face, her voice, she was nothing more than a black silhouette in my memories and that was so terrifying. Especially because my older sibling chose to go no contact for a lot of different reasons but that also means that the pressure of like remembering her in life all falls on me- which is like not in anybody’s control but like that just makes feeling like this, and those moments of forgetting even more like heavy. I didn’t even want to leave my bed a few nights ago because I felt like such a failure. It’s so difficult but sometimes writing it does feel like it gets it off my chest 

Y’all can we please just talk about how hard it can be sometimes as a writer, and like I’m not trying to sound like bleh I hate this, but like sometimes it’s genuinely so difficult to like write and not cringe so  hard at what I’m writing, it might just be my hyper self awareness but there’s times where I’m really sitting there typing and I rephrase things like 500 times before its like barely sticking and I just have to keep writing like, I don’t know- it’s just difficult sometimes lmao 

This is the first time I’ve written over a thousand words in a while and I solemnly swear to make those over a thousand words as depressing, soul destroying, gut wrenching, sadness inducing words I possibly can anyone got a guess for the character? It’s still not gonna be out for a bit but I like stoking the fire lmao 

I keep starting plots of Spock with children, I just feel like after the crying baby phase he’d be like an amazing dad lol

Maybe the real reason all of the red shirts die, is because uhura and Scotty plotted together to be the last two left, and be the true red shirts lol