Ivegottensotired

Me having 23x as much as the average viewer of pyrocynical and being the top 0.2% is maximum silly.

Hopefully I’ll be drawing up Long Road’s cover soon. Working out a few tweaks with a couple of characters and then start writing. Hopefully.

So I got a role in a show I auditioned in and expected to get a roll in. Except I’m so upset with the casting I’m in. My first ever show I played an old lady, second show, a tired interviewer, this third show? An old lady again who’s on for one scene. Congratulations to me for literally receiving the bare minimum. It’s not that I’m angry about receiving a roll. Like thank god I did. But the thing is, this show that we are doing, I was promised a roll in two years ago. And I’m hearing so much about this show and expecting to receive this role I’ve been hyped up for years. To only be told I’ll be in the show for a singular scene and an inconsequential character. I’ve been strung thin by my theater teacher. Constantly giving me a false hope of some major character, because I can act, I can do voices, I can dance, I can sing. But it’s always. Nope old lady who provides nothing. Why? Why. Is it because I’m ugly? I’m older looking than most? Why? Why!? 

Wanted to come to on here although this is somewhat new/ not really new news. 
          
          I’m not apart of the FPE fan base. Have not been, probably won’t be. But I know a lot of you are. But Kaaatie will more than likely not be posting anymore FPE content for those of you unaware of her twitter post. 
          
          
          That’s all. 

So.. haven’t been feeling good.. just mentally wise ((again) I’m getting real sick and tired of it)
          
          But I have started working on other OCS designs. However I am starting to doubt my art again. (Yippee) hopefully I can work up the motivation to draw and write again. (Probably not D:.)

I’ve got a show tonight. Wish me luck.

Hey. My mental health has- a uhh dropped again. If you don’t hear from me in awhile.. please don’t be concerned. Im gonna be taking a break. Even though I haven’t done much. I’m being reminded of how lazy and stupid I am just by looking at stories I’ve never finished.

I want to apologize to everyone. Just because I keep saying things that I want to do and then they never get done, either because I crash and lose motivation or as soon as I start to get ready to do stuff I forget and come in underprepared. 
          
          I’m trying to get better as my mental health keeps dragging. I try not to let it show when I’m around people but, I’m working on getting my motivation back. Please expect some updated ref sheets (I know I’m sorry) soon. As well as hopefully starting one of my own Oc stories. I have my list of characters, and I’m hoping to create a bunch of their designs in the coming weeks, then begin to write them. I’m going to see if my friends will assist me on keeping on track. Because I tend to get distracted easily and lose interest at the task at hand. 
          
          One thing I will be honest about is I’m not the best at keeping story plots hidden, but I will do my best with this story since I owe you guys some actual proper content. And hopefully I can claw my way back into being more productive on Wattpad. As due to my lack of posting or anything really I’ve fallen from relevance. School is starting soon but I will not let that stop me. And if does I will inform of a hiatus.
          
          Thank you. 
          
          -Ghost Oblivion.

I’m so fucking tired of having to deal with people who think that I’m trying to control shit when I know who they are as people. I’m constantly having to act like an adult and get treated like a toddler. Sure I mess up on things and I’m sure not perfect. But I’m constantly tired of being reminded that I’m clearly not my mom’s favorite, hearing her compliment her son and then have me as an after thought. I work hard, and I get stressed out over other people all the damn time, and then when I get to let loose I’m suddenly the worst person to exist. I can’t make jokes, can’t mess up on a single thing. I’m getting white hairs unironically I’m stressed out and I can’t take it anymore. I’m trying to be strong, trying to keep my mentality in the right place but I just can’t keep doing the constant amounts of pressure to be perfect, to be better than him. He sees what she says but he can’t help me at all. 
          
          I won’t be sorry about this rant. And don’t worry about me. I just want at least one person to see and understand why I’ve been just so distant. See why it’s been so hard for me to just. Be me.

I totally didn’t forget about today… uhhh 
          
          ONE OF US?!?