Wow. But yh, you are right. We do lose everyone eventually. And idk if you think I'm this exceptionally chatting person, but I am not she? I'm going off of 5 hours of sleep rn. I'm this kinda quiet kid. When I'm around my friends, I'm loud and a completely different person, but when with people I don't like or don't know, I'm quiet and reserved bc I am just not exactly a massive fan of people. Like I could talk to strangers about their problems, I just couldn't strike up a conversation with the person I'm sitting next to me in, let's say, DT all bc I don't know them. Quite honestly, I forgot my point yk what story time

My walls are necessary. I've grown up in a very 'keep your shit to yourself' family, and every single day, I keep up  a façade of being a religious asshole who hates gay people when in actual fact I'm raging bisexual who absolutely adores literally most women. Growing up in this household is difficult. Especially after understanding who I am and coming out. I've had to hide who I am because I know that I won't be accepted for who I am. I'm really, really touchy when it comes to my personal stuff, and if my friend asked to go through my phone, I'd either deny them straight away or I'd give them my phone and sit there hands shaking, knees jumping and heart racing. 
            
            My last relationship was toxic, and yet I still think about her, and it's been 9 months. I still question why she broke up with me, and I blame myself even tho my best friend said that she was extremely toxic to me and that I'm better off without her and yet I don't see that. 
            
            In the span of two terms, I think I've had 3 panic attacks, a mental breakdown, and probably something else. I think that's beaten every other year so far. 
            
            I've lost 2 friends and then rekindled one. But my best friend has moved and I'm so lost without her and the last term was so fucking difficult because I felt like all my friendships are going to shit. They've all acted differently, and idk what to do. I can't tell you if it's me or them, but I just know that they've changed and they've grown distant, and that hurts yk, and I'm lost.

F in the chat. That does sound really hectic, and now I'm letting my godforsaken emotions out and crying a little. And I have this massive anxiety with time, and it's just now hit me. In 3 days I'm going to go have a fucking options evening to help me choose my GCSEs and that's terrifying and my friendships are all going southward and my relationship with food is so fucked up and I've just bolted it all up and now I'm letting it out. My trust issues are up the wall, and I feel like I can't tell my friends anything because I feel like they'll judge me. I'm scared to start school again because everything is moving too quickly, and I'm just here pretending that it's all alright when it's really not.

@GhostWolf_999 clearly you do

Wow I just have perfect timing, don't I?

@GhostWolf_999 just as I say that you upload it. Yesss

@GhostWolf_999 Good to hear!

Glad I could help you. And thanks yk you've given me great advice and have made me feel a lot better abt my writing 

I would've hoped so, they're currently having a soft discussion about a certain someone and it's just so fluffy it's making me smile so wide rn

I'll be there 

Thats the right word. The trick of looking at the past is not to focus. 
            
            So I leave you with this, the past is a deadly thing, don't get caught in it. But equally don't run from it, it'll hit harder.

Oh yeah defo, I just think about the bad stuff that has happened in the past or the embarrassing moments that have happened and I question everything and am just so negative towards myself. And I question the ifs and buts and maybe's of it all and it's just a big epiphany (is that even the right word?) of doubting myself and really focusing on all the bad stuff

Thinking about the past is fine. Its when you start to question what could've been done different that you need to pull yourself into present again. Nobody can do that besides you. 

@KadeeeeeWrites you should be well excited I'm writing from Jenna's POV, I'm currently writing about Harry Potter glasses, if that makes no sense rn then it will

@GhostWolf_999 I'll keep an eye out for it