Hello! I’m the reddit person who’s feed-backing on wattpad stories.
Your book ‘Why Ugly Girls Are Better In Bed’ was nice to read. GriZelda is a likeable character, very cunning, calculated and mischievous. I found myself wanting to know more about her so the element of mystery is still there.
The introduction about being ugly give Grizelda the ability to be invisible was a nice starting point. I feel like it set the tone of the book very well.
You also maintained human emotions e.g. her crying when she found out what Alexis said about her; her bouncing her leg under the table at the diner. This caught my eye because many books detach their ‘manipulative’ characters from their emotions and replace it with ‘logical thinking’ with no drive to what they do. By still showing her her emotions, you’re cementing the drive for her actions e.g, her feeling pissed about Alexis drove her to what she did to Luke (I won’t spoil the book). I liked that.
The pace of the story is really good too so well done.
What I do want to say is that I found it a little… full. The paragraphs were chunky and I did feel overwhelmed at times. Try paragraphing so it’s a lot easier to follow (similar to the structure of what I’m writing now). Grammar was fine for the most part, dialogue was natural (I did find the cervix line pretty funny though which is a good thing).
One extra note, when writing the thoughts of people e.g. [“what is his problem?” she thought], the “” isn’t needed as it’s mainly used for vocal speech. You should italic the actual thought and remove the speech marks [ what is his problem? she thought].
Lastly, try fleshing out the story if you can (this is a personal preference you don’t have to if you don’t want)
I look forward to reading more!
-Saint
