Hi, I am certain you should try writing stories properly before doing stuff like your Argo fan fiction. I just hope this anime's fan fiction just get good.
Also, I too suck but I am trying to achieve the best writing tho. Just telling you that you have to improve many times.
No clue?
Try reading other's works which have no ubiquitous drama dialogues like what you did. Yes, I like your attempt but you have to take all shits like grammar, sentence building and vocabulary!
Try out supermushashi's work Azrael. You should also try out fanfiction.net. For real, the professionals was electric enough to demotivate me from doing my work!
Or read mine . It is not so well but I am just saying for good. You want to do good story, then you need a big mind and some spicy touch of madness.
I would want to see your Argo's prologue, how the battle was like (yes descriptive writing is challenging) and maybe realistic conversations. You cannot straight up say yes and legit join - that is why politics exist.
I hope you understand my lengthy critic. Even you don't get as much views, try your best.
I'll save it because of Space Battleship Yamato.
Les go! (I'm bit crazy and troubled with my mind)