FanFictionsMS

Thank you so much for your feedback on my Freaks and Geeks story! I agree with everything you have written. I do tend to forget about what I wrote in my last chapters (Layla’s blush on one chapter and the next her not having it) and I do try going back to re-read what I wrote to help, but I do forget so it’s nice to have someone point it out to me. This is my second attempt to write in third person point of view and I often keep switching to first person POV and third, which I don’t do intentionally, but it happens. I try looking out for that when I try editing my books but I always seem to miss it. You also made great points about the story that I would definitely use to help write my story better and use to rewrite my chapters to make them better. Thanks again, your feedback helped a lot! (Sorry is there is any grammar mistake written here, I’m trying to get better.)

GoatEatingToilet

@FanFictionsMS My pleasure! As a fellow writer, I know how hard it can be to keep track of things introduced in previous chapters and try to make sure it all falls in line time after time. It one of my bigger stories (which I really need to get back to working on someday), I have made a small list of changes/injuries/whatever that I want to keep track of for future reiteration/closure. It can be somewhat tedious, but the payoff (for me as a writer) far outweighs it as far as I'm concerned. 
            Do you usually write in first person POV? It's usually third person for me, but for my first F&G story, I decided to try a few different things with writing and a first person POV was one of them. It was fun, and challenging in its own right, but there were many chapters where I wanted to just start all over in third person, haha.
            I'm glad my words didn't come across as too harsh or anything when I was pointing out areas that may have needed a second look - as I sometimes seem a little rough with how I write in that regard.
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SydenyNovak

I know where your coming from with the Freaks and Geeks book and I think you’ve actually opened my mind to more ideas I’ve noticed too that I’m taking some parts out of the show that should stay there and then with the Spanish I don’t know where that came from but I think it’s because Spanish is the only language I know well and I believe I should have just put it in English but thank you for the note it really helped me out

GoatEatingToilet

@_reddielover I must say that I appreciate you taking my feedback as well as you have. I could have taken a few minutes to write/word it better, as I came off harsh in some spots and that wasn't my intention. Part of my words were offering areas where I believe you could develop the reader a little without alienating your audience by tailoring their character too much.  Give us a reason why we are so partial to Spanish (perhaps we have a heritage from/in Spain, our favorite family member/neighbor only speaks Spanish, etc.), give us a reason why Kim was so comfortable around us when she was at her lowest (perhaps we have proved ourselves to her in the past, maybe we helped get her out of a bind and she shares some unspoken truce/trust with us as a result). Above all else, develop a bit of a background for us so we can better connect with our character. You don't have to go overboard, but a little bit of a background can help you in a plethora of ways. You can shape the way the character was raised/acted as a youngster and use that to explain why we do the things we do today. A created history is a great way to explain little quirks and oddities we may have. There's no way you can please everyone with a self-insert story, because every reader will be different, but giving us a collective common ground to start from should help immensely no matter what. Just a little food for though on the matter. Either way, I do hope you continue to have fun working on your fic! :)
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SydenyNovak

I hope you won’t mind if I use the note you gave me to work on my other books as well
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