Gojofucksmeraw
Chat, my cat took his last breath this morning when I was asleep. I had a nightmare that my cat left my lap, looked back at me once before walking away into the distance, I called his name with a heavy breath, my throat was burning, my sight blurred out from eyesweat but he didn't look back. I extended my arm for him to grasp it, to meow apologetically and lick my palm, pat my lap with his small paw and sit back on it and look at me with those brown attention seeking eyes that'd tell me to pat its head with affection as he'd purr. But he didn't, nothing like my expectation came true even in my dream. I woke up abruptly from this nightmare before shaking my head and going back to sleep. Was it my imagination when I heard my mum weeping softly as the sound of her voice broke thru my door when she announced that 'he has died' to my sibling? My nightmare instead came true when she breaks it to me that my cat is no longer here to meow for his hunger, to wiggle his tail to be patted on his head, to run to his favorite spot and sleep on it soundly, to run away from me from the fear of being victimized by me squeezing his soft body. Why must my happiness be temporary when I find a light to carry on with my miserable life? Must I suffer from the loss of something precious to me every time I want to clutch it to my chest and to never let it go? I used to look at his face with adoration, thinking what might I do if he's not around me anymore to look at him the way I do now? Had once I thought of it the other way around, would he still be sticking around me as I'd caress its soft body instead of writing this with shaky hands? Is it that I caught a cold that I'm sniffling back the substance trying to run thru my nose or is it a sign of me mourning my cat whose dead body I couldn't even catch a glimpse of for the last time before it was buried in the earth?
Stawb3rry_info
I LUV YOU TOO BB, I’m so grateful that you see that we’re in this together, and we’ll all be here for you if you need to rant or cry about something, whether it’s about your beautiful cat or something else.
No one deserves to go through this, and I know your cat is watching over you, and I hope you feel better knowing he’s still with you, even if you don’t hear his little footsteps around the house or unable to feel him on your lap.
Take as much time as you want to recover and rest, and we’re all gonna be here for you!!!! Ily sm vro and don’t be scared to talk to me ab anything <3333
_yoquese
@Gojofucksmeraw im glad writing this has helped you. i completely understand the feeling of emptiness and sadness when you're at home expecting him to appear, then look and realize that he will not appear because he's gone, forever, and left you alone in this world to rot. it hurts a lot, and the black hole it drags you into is cold af, i get you completely, so allow yourself that grievance as long as you need it. and of course you have all of us here to listen to you; for we love you a lot and will support you through the ups and especially the downs. (hehehe i matched your freak) and please, im here for anything pooks. love you lots<3!!
Gojofucksmeraw
@Stawb3rry_info awe, I'm glad u understand my feelings even if u didn't go thru the exact situation or, maybe u did. This is the worst feeling u can ever experience in ur lifetime. It's like watching ur own child dying before u did. And thank u so much pookie, I still cry whenever I remember that he's not with me anymore, physically that is, I hope he's doing well in heaven. Again, thank u so much for understanding me thoroughly and for the assurance. Just as ur here for my good and bad time, I'll be there for u just like this just feel free to rant to me. Also I didn't think y'all would even read that long ass paragraph at all so thank u for the time u took to read it. Hope no one has to go thru this phase in their life at all. Love u and take care pookie <3
