Princess_Gracie

What’s on my fucking mind? Trying not to cut. Trying not to go scream at my sister. Trying to want to fucking live. like someone close to me said “be careful. Wherever your loyalties lie will change” I thaught I could trust my sister. But my sister has actually made me have 4 panic attacks today. My sister has actually broken something really close to me. My sister at said moment in time is making me want to scream. That’s all. 

Okay so I know for a fact that no one fucking cares but that’s fine I just need to rant.
          
          I hate you. I hate what you have done to me. I hate that I can’t escape. I hate that I’m in a goddam other state and you still find me. You did it in front of my parents for fuck sake! You’ve proved your point. You’ve put me in my place. You’ve put me in a mental cage where every minute of every fucking day my brain is ticking ready to run because I can’t fight anymore because there is no point. I am done. 
          
          Why the actual do we have a society where this is unacceptable and yet no ones stopping it.
          
          The people who hurt me will never leave. They are in my night terrors where I wake up screaming.
          They are in the corner of my eye at an all girls school when that is definety not their genitalia.
          They are behind me in ballet. When I’m lifted up in pas de deux but I don’t  see them I see you!
          
          You have destroyed me and everything I do. I’m done. 
          
          Why do you have to hurt me so much!  
          I didn’t hurt you! Why do you hurt me! 
          
          
          
          And too top everything off I feel so unhappy with the way I look at the moment☹️

I don’t like that one minute I can be fine and the next minute I’m rocking back and forth struggling to breath and make sense of my thoughts. I dont like that my selective mutism   Holds my words back, trapping them on my tongue. I don’t like that I could have amazing friends and yet I feel that they are all faking the friendship. I don’t like that the bullying I received years ago makes me wake up shaking because I don’t want to be hurt again. I don’t like so many parts of me that being a little is the only thing that makes me feel free. 

Hewo