Guessszzzxwhoo

Hiking the Fuji, huh? 

ALL ALONE. I CAN HANDLE IT ALL :)

We're friends for now... We're not both ready to have a relationship. Aral muna :)

While I was writing those memories, I'm listening to "falling for you" by the 1975. Nag start ako mga around 3pm tas ngayon 5:16pm na. I'm happy while typing those memories. Sana madagdagan pa. Sana siya na po. More memories to comeeee! Thank you God, Thank you David, Thank you Self. 

Around 3pm, April 26, We called again sa ig. Third call. Saglit lang yon mga 10 mins. Yung second call namin kasi tumagal ng 2hr and 8 mins. Yung unang call, I just watched him washing the dishes, I didn't speak. Mga 50 mins din yon. He's so cute and masipaggg! As in, masipag na bata. Wahahahahhaha! Masipag din ako nohhhh!  Ayon... More memories to come :) Sana... God, thank you for these wonderful memories. I will treasure it. Sana po we're in a right way. Sana siya na. Sana kami na talaga ang para sa isa't isa. I hope... God, thank you. Thank you, Jesus ❤️
          
          

We fixed it. Bumalik sa normal. I unlocked him sa tiktok and ig. We started talking again... Sabi niya sa akin na "huwag akong ma anxious sa future, marami pang mangyayari. Mag cocollege ka pa. Mag focus muna raw ako sa present, sulitin at enjoyin ko." Ayon, I agreed. I'm so grateful for that guy. Grabe siya. He badly wants to hear my voice. I made a way kahit na bawal pa ako. Hindi ko pa sinasabi yung surname ko sa kanya. First name lang muna.  Nung nakaraan pa siyang nag aaya mag call sa ig pero hindi ko magawa kasi maraming tao at baka marinig nila. I'm afraid but I want it at the same time. Gumawa ako ng way para makausap siya sa call. Kahit na alam kong bawal pa, I still took the risk. Sa kwarto ng tita ko, katabi ko si Kelsy. Tulog na silang lahat, medjo gising pa si lola. I called him sa i.g. Voice lang muna. Hindi pa ako ready sa ipakita yung face ko. It was April 25, 10pm-2am, we're talking about some things. Such as dogs, mlbb, at nakikinig ako sa mga songs and payo nya. Sobrang saya ko ng gabing iyan. Sobrang gaan, sobrang saya, sobrang tuwa ko. And also him, he said na sobrang saya rin nya. Ang himbing daw ng tulog nya. He said na maganda raw voice ko, but I didn't believe in it whahahah! I don't think soooo! Nag uusap kami non tas naririnig pala ni Lola. Kinabukasan, sabi ni lola " gabi na may katawagan kapa." Sabi naman ni mama ko "babae o lalaki." I lied. Sabi ko babae, sabi ko si Jericka... I lied kasi they will be afraid pag nalaman nilang boy yung katalk ko. Kinausap ko si Jericka maya-maya, sabi ko pag tinanong siya, sabihin nalang nya na siya yung kausap ko nung gabi na yon. She's my bestieee, super grateful ako kasi nakilala ko sya way back in 2025. Then, that's it... We're clear na, naniwala naman sila na babae yung katalk ko kasi minsan may ka call naman talaga akong girl. So, ayon I lied... 

Hindi siya mawala sa isipan ko when I blocked him, may isa ako private acc and lagi lagi ko siya inistalk don when I blocked him sa main acc ko. I opened my mlbb acc, hindi ko siya blinock doon kasi sayang. Sayang yung affinity na pinaghirapan namin, niya. He texted many times there. Nanlambot ako, sobrang hulog na hulog parin kasi ako sa kanya that time. I'm anxious sa future pero alam kong mahal ko pa yon kahit iniwan ko siya that time. Ayon, nanlambot ao sa chat nya sa mga ml. Bumalik ako. I opened my main acc and I unblocked him there. Namimiss ko rin yung streak naming pinaghirapan kya talaga bumalik ako. Ayokong nawawaste yung pinaghirapan ng isang tao :(... I came back and talked to him again. I tried to push him away pero he didn't give up talaga. Patuloy parin siya, sana hindi siya magbago. Gusto ko na siya pakasalan. Sana kasama ko pa rin siya sa future, pang habang buhay na.

I confessed my feelings to him and he also confessed what he felt towards me. We like each other. Ayun, we started saying ily, late night talks, and kamustahan. I don't want to lose him "Cornelia Street". I really don't want to lose him but there are times that I pushed him away. Nakadalawang deactivated ako, but he didn't give up. He didn't give up. He still wants me after what he went through. I hurted him sometimes. Late replies ako minsan, minsan busy, minsan sadya. Ewan ko, natatakot din kasi akong masaktan nanaman kaya ko nagawa yon. I pushed him away sometimes, yet I always comeback. May time na super akong na anxious sa future. "Paano na yung future ko? Nadidistract ako sa kanya, ayoko na. I can't fight for him sa ngayon." I blocked him sa tiktok, ig, at fb. He tried to contact me. Gumawa siya ng two accs, he even talked to EL TROLL, indo guy siya. I met him way back in 2024, but madalang lang mag usap, puro play lang. Ayon kinausap ni David si El. He told him how much he likes me, he also said that I can't pursue him. Hindi ko raw kayang ipaglaban siya, pero ang totoo kaya ko naman talaga. Hindi lang sa ngayon. Sa future, kaya ko na. Sana andoon pa siya. 

I never thought na mahuhulog ako sa kanya. Nung una talaga sabi ko "paglalaruan ko lang to tas bounce na" Pero wala, I fucking fell in-love. As in hulog na hulog. "FALLING FOR YOU BY THE 1975" I dedicated that song to him. "I DON'T WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND, I WANNA KISS YOU NECK!" AYARNNN! Iba yung dating ng kanta na yan sa akin when I'm talking to him. I'm fallin' for him that time... "I think I'm fallin', falling for you." Yung song na pinapatugtog naman nya or kinakanta nya mostly noon is "Kalapastangan" pero kalaunan tinigil nya rin. May naaalala ata siya sa song na yan. Ayaw nya rin ng lifetime na song by Ben& Ben. Napakaganda ng boses nya! Grabe, he knows how to singgg! Rainbow ang favorite song nya, Color blue ang favorite na kulay, he wants to be a Flight Attendant someday, favorite hero nya sa ml is Freddrin at Alucard. March 24, 2009. He wears glasses, malabo narin ang eyes. Okay naman sila ng fam niya. Tatlo lang sila. Only child siya likes me. Nanggaling din siya sa maingay na household, he knows how it felt. Unang picture ko na sinend sa kanya is yung may filter na parang pa dog! Ayun sinend ko kasi medjo di kita nose ko. Insecure ako sa part na yon eee! Nagulat daw siya kasi that's how I look like daw. Ang cute raw :) Hahays, mas cute ka, sundae! 

We talked many times especially at night. Laging gabi dahil pang umaga siya(G9) at panghapon naman ako (G10). Hindi nagtutugma yung oras naming dalawa. He waited for me, natutulog daw siya pag tanghali at paghapon na ayon, iniintay nya akong makauwi. After ko umuwi, sya agad yung una kong chinicheck. "Pahinga ka muna po" ayan sabi nya magpahinga muna raw ako like matulog kasi pagod nga galing school. He's so kindddd! Makalipas yung mga araw, napapansin ko nalang sa sarili ko na palagi ko siyang naiisip. Lalo na sa school. I even wrote his nickname "dae" sa black board. Kinuwento ko siya sa mga kaibigan ko, kina Jericka, Zyrel, Rosa at Althea. Nasa cheerdance practice kami non and I told kay Zyrel habang nakaupo kami sa garden ng Dampol Uno. Ayon sinabi ko nga, sabi naman nila "baka mamaya saktan ka niyan ah" Who knows? I feel afraid those times. Nasabi nila yan kasi they saw me at my lowest when I fell in love kay Tris non but he treated me like uhaw sa attention ganon. Parang nag bebeg ako sa attention and time niya, mabait naman siya. Kaso ansakit lang kasi ang inconsistent nya. Nasasaktan ako ron. Sobra! Marami pa pero hindi ko na bubuklatin pa yung masasakit na alaala na yon. Although I know na there is a probability na saktan ako ni David, I still talk to him. Umabot na ng weeks yung pag uusap namin. Minsan pag may exam ako, I still choose to talk to him.. Sinisingit ko siya sa oras ko. Wahahahah alam mo yon? Naglelecture at nagrereview ako while talking to him through chats. After isulat yung part na yon, kakausapin ko siya. Parang rest time ganon. Whahahaha grabe ka, Trisha-Mae!